


Just Left of Normal

by a_hemmen



Series: Just Left of Normal Series [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Bc of heat things, Bucky's had some problems, But it's pretty consensual, CONTINUE ON TO PART II, I don't want to tag more bc spoilers, I feel like I have enough foreshadowing to tip people off before though, I promise, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Mildly Dubious Consent, Omega Bucky Barnes, So warnings of institutionalized asshole-ness, THERE ARE LOOSE ENDS AT THE END OF THIS STORY, The society as a whole is fucked up, Very against omegas, alphas are assholes, for real though, not actually finished
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-08-11 12:11:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 36,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7891804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_hemmen/pseuds/a_hemmen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky's life is finally starting to get on track. He enjoys his job, has a couple of friends, and he's on suppressants, so he doesn't have to worry about heats. Until he does. (Enter: Steve Rogers) </p><p>If you're worried about triggers, message me! Some shitty stuff has happened to Bucky, but I don't want to spoil anything unless it's necessary. Message me at morejessicajonesplease.tumblr.com.</p><p>Also: see my full list of works on my author page OR at <a href="http://morejessicajonesplease.tumblr.com/ao3works">here</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

Bucky tries his best not to squirm on the uncomfortable chair as he waits for the doctor to come in. It should be more comfortable, shouldn’t it? Nothing else about being here is. They should at least put in some effort into making the furniture bearable. The hospital gown the nurse made him change into isn’t helping the situation. He can feel the breeze that the air conditioner creates in the room. The whole situation is simply agonizing. 

The doctor knocks on the door, though she doesn’t wait for an answer before coming in. What’s the point of a courtesy if you don’t actually give the person enough time to take advantage of it? Whatever. She’s probably going to be a total dick anyway. He can’t smell any alpha pheromones, so that’s a plus at least. Surely an omega clinic would realize that alpha doctors are a bad idea. 

The woman, Bucky should probably remember her name, but for the life of him he can’t, flips through a chart. For a split second, he has an intense urge to find out just what the medical profession has determined is notable enough to keep in his file. Height, weight, 24 years old, history of mild depression, and a tendency towards self-destructive behavior. All of the normal things one would expect to find in the chart of a twenty-four year old omega. 

The doctor shifts, and Bucky is able to make out the name tag over her chest. _Dr. Munroe_. That’s good. Now, at least, he won’t look stupid. Or at least any more stupid than normal. 

“Mr. Barnes, do you know why you’re here today?” 

Bucky wants to roll his eyes, but he doesn’t. This is going to be one of _those_ doctor-patient relationships. He really doesn’t want to be talked down to like he’s a four year old who got caught in the cookie jar for the rest of the appointment, but it’s too late to back out now. “I need a check up. Because insurance. Or something.” 

Dr. Munroe nods her head like Bucky has given a real answer. “That is the basics of it, actually. Especially with your history-” 

“Yeah. I know. Just check me up. Or whatever it is you want to call it.” 

The doctor, thankfully, complies and looks back over the chart again. “According to the numbers the nurse got, your blood pressure and temperature all seem to be normal. Slightly underweight, but nothing dangerous yet.” The woman looks up at Bucky. “Just make sure that you’re eating regularly.” Bucky holds himself back from making a scathing remark about just what the doctor should be eating. “Now it says here that you have been on suppressants for two full calendar years, is that correct?” Bucky nods. “I’m sure you’re not going to want to hear this, but the guidelines are very clear on this. Omegas on suppressants are required to have a heat every two years if they are still fertile.” 

Bucky had been prepared for this. “I read online that if an omega isn’t planning on having children there are procedures…” 

The doctor nods. “There are procedures that can permanently stop your heats from happening. Unfortunately, these require the signature of the omega’s mate.” 

“Oh.” The websites hadn’t said anything about that. Honestly, the information had been difficult enough to find as it was. “So there’s nothing I can do?” 

She looks over his chart again. Bucky’s beginning to think she may just be doing this just to avoid looking him in the eye. “I wish I could suggest something, I really do. In this case, though, I believe that my hands are tied. The laws are uncharacteristically clear on this kind of thing.” 

Fucking alpha politicians. God forbid an unmated omega become infertile. 

He tries to wrap his brain around the fact that he’s going to have to go through a heat. It’s been almost three years since he’s had one. And probably five years since he’s had to go through one alone. “Ok. So I just get through a heat. And then I can go back on the suppressants?” 

“Of course.” 

One heat. It can’t be that bad. Bucky knows that he can get through one heat. And then he won’t have to deal with any of this shit for another two years. Two years where he can just worry about work and none of the other crap the government thinks he should be dealing with. 

“Mr. Barnes?” The doctor interrupts his thoughts. “At this clinic, we offer a program that is specifically for omegas in your situation. It’s not _exactly_ endorsed by the government, but thankfully the funding it takes is basically nonexistent.” 

“What kind of program?”

“Well, research has begun to show that depression and/or suicidal tendencies are more frequent in omegas who have had to spend heats alone, especially if they haven’t had to go through a heat in a while. The risk is even greater for those omegas who have dealt with depression in the past. So, we have started a program that helps omegas find a safe partner to spend their heat with.” 

Bucky just raises an eyebrow. “Like a dating site?” 

Dr. Munroe almost giggles. “Not exactly, but sort of. It’s not necessarily trying to match you up based on personality, and it’s not a website. We reach out to omegas we deem in need of the service, and if they give us an okay, we start looking for a suitable partner.” 

“This sounds kind of skeevy. Like a weird pimp service.” 

“Oh no, it’s nothing like that. No money exchanges hands on either side, and the alphas we reach out to don’t even know your name unless you tell them. We actually have a couple donors backing the project that have allowed it so that if the omega wants, the pair can meet in a hotel room instead of their home.” 

Despite his better judgement, Bucky’s beginning to feel interested. “So, how do you pick the alphas? Do you give out surveys?” Bucky chuckles, though it’s not really funny. 

“We give you one, actually. How we look for the alpha depends on what the omega in question is looking for. For example, some omegas would much rather spend their heats with an alpha who happens to be in rut at the same time, while others don’t trust an alpha in rut. After we figure out your preferences, we go through the database we’ve put together of the alphas who our partner clinics -the ones that cater to more than just omegas- have information on. We always do an interview -one that the alpha doesn’t even realize is happening- before approaching them about the idea. After that, it’s just the matter of getting an alpha to agree, and then we give their information to the omega to okay. Occasionally omegas want to meet the alpha beforehand, just so that they’re not sharing a bed with a total stranger, but again, that is a personal decision.” 

“That all sounds complicated.” 

Dr. Munroe nods. “It is, especially when we first started.. But we’ve been doing this for over a year now, and it’s getting easier as the staff involved know what to look for in potential alphas. But really, we do all we can to insure the safety of the omegas.” 

“So you haven’t had any issues.” 

“Thankfully, we haven’t yet. The only problem we’ve ever run into is there have been a few occasions where a suitable alpha isn’t found before the omega goes into heat. But that has only happened a few times, and not at all in the last 6 months. There are some alphas, especially ones that don’t feel comfortable in having a long-term mate, that have helped multiple omegas through heats. So now we have a few on speed dial, so to say, just in case.” She pauses, as if giving him time to process all of the information that was just thrown at him. “Would you like to fill out a form? If you change your mind, I can simply shred the form later.” 

Bucky’s going to say no. Probably. He thinks. That is, until he remembers, or tries to remember, what heats are like. The aches and primal need, all you can think about, sometimes for days on end. It’s so much easier to have someone there that can just take it away. 

Bucky nods. 

Dr. Munroe smiles, like she is pleasantly surprised that he agreed, and hands him the form. “Take as much time as you need to fill it out, I’ll be back to check on you.” 

He waits until the door closes before looking over the form. The first questions are easy. Name, age, sex, height, weight, address, phone number. The questions get more interesting quickly though. It takes a minute for Bucky to decide on his ‘preferred partner.’ He’s more attracted to guys, he always has been, but female alphas can feel safer, sometimes. 

Then he remembers Natasha, his best friend. 

_Fuck it_. He checks the box next to male. 

**Please mark the following Yes (Y) or No (N):**

Yes or no. That seems like a simple enough concept. Bucky can do yes or no questions. 

**Would you like to have a picture of the alpha sent to you beforehand:**

Nope. If anything, Bucky hopes that he can’t remember what the guy looks like after they’ve parted ways. 

**Would you prefer an alpha that has been used in this service before:**

Yes. No. Maybe? This question is weird. He leaves it blank, hoping that someone else makes the decision for him. 

**Would you prefer the alpha to be in rut:**

Rut may be easier to deal with. It has always felt slightly more clinical, for Bucky, when his partner has a biological reason to fuck him. But it’s always rougher too. And it’s been so long since anyone has touched him. A part of him, not one he’s going to tell anyone else about, just wants to be taken care of. He slowly scribbles an N on the paper. 

**Would you prefer to meet the alpha before your heat:**

Hell no, this is going to be awkward enough as it is. There’s no reason to add a whole new awkward not-quite-a-date to the mix. 

**Will you require a place to stay during your heat:**

Will he? He has an apartment, it even has a spare bedroom if he decides not to allow the alpha into his, but does he want some random alpha to know where he lives? It would be safer to go to one of those hotels the doctor mentioned. But then again, he’ll already be uncomfortable enough, an unfamiliar place will probably just double that. Yeah, he’ll definitely stay at home. If the guy comes back, he can tell Nat. She can take care of pretty much anyone. 

When the paper asks how long his heats normally last, he has to stop for a second. It’s been so long. He writes down 3-4 days and then adds a question mark. 

There’s a whole section for omegas who have already used the ‘service’ before. Questions about whether the same alpha as last time would be good or bad, comments on how the alpha behaved the last time, etc. Bucky is just grateful that he won’t need to do anything like this again for at least two years. His job doesn’t pay _that_ well, but at least he can afford suppressants, or at least the generic ones. 

Speaking of work, he’s going to have to take off. Dammit. 

He fills out the rest of the questionnaire as quickly as possible. It really is super in-depth. It goes so far as to ask if there are any physical characteristics that could be considered triggering. This people really have got their system down pretty well. 

Just as Bucky begins to look over the paper, double checking to make sure that he’s filled out everything correctly, there’s another knock on the door. He doesn’t even say “Come in.” before Dr. Munroe is back in the room. “Everything okay?” 

“Yeah, yeah it’s all good. I just finished, actually.” He hands her the paper. “Will you call me? If you find…” 

The doctor’s smile is small. “Of course we will. And if there is anything else we can help you with, just call the clinic, okay? If there’s an emergency,” she scratches some numbers down on a slip of paper. “You can call my personal number.” She hands him the paper. 

Bucky grabs the paper and nods before getting up to leave.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here ya go! Hopefully this can tide you over for at least a day or two. I'll post chapter three as soon as I finish chapter 19!

Bucky has been avoiding telling Natasha that he’ll need to take off work for about a week now. It’s not that she’s one of those alphas that refuse to talk about omega problems, but more that Bucky is one of those omegas that refuse to talk about omega problems. It makes him feel weak, like the company would have been better off hiring a different designation for his job. 

It doesn’t help that he’s already basically a walking stereotype. He enjoys his job, there’s no one else he would rather work with than Natasha. Over the last two years, she has become one of his closest friends. But an _omega_ secretary? C’mon. Though Nat swears she didn’t even look at that when she called him in for an interview, saying she saw his broad shoulders and immediately envisioned a world in which she didn’t have to do any heavy lifting for herself ever again. 

Bucky never can tell if she’s just telling him that to make him feel better, or if she really means it. Regardless, she likes telling the story at company parties, always grabbing his shoulders while she does so in that careless way that alphas just _touch_ people. 

He knocks on her door, and waits for her to tell him to come in before entering. He’s not a fucking inconsiderate doctor. 

“Do you need something, James?” For the life of him, he can not get Nat to call him Bucky. 

“Actually, I do. I need a couple days off.”

Natasha hasn’t even looked up from the reports she’s scanning. “Sure, when? If it’s too long, I might need to call a temp agency. But it should be fine.” 

“That’s part of my problem, I’m not exactly sure when I’m gonna have to leave. It’s- I- I’ve been on suppressants for two years now, and the doctor says I have to have a heat now. So-” 

“James.” Nat sounds uncannily like Bucky’s mom for a second. “How soon are you due to go into heat?” 

Bucky shrugs his shoulders. “Two days? Maybe more? It’s been so long, it’s hard to tell.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I could have given you a couple days off beforehand too, if you needed.” 

Bucky shakes his head. “No. No, I want to go about it all like everything’s normal. I just won’t be able to come into work for a while. A week, tops. I promise. I’ll try to give you a heads up as soon as it starts, that way you can find a temp if you need.”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with, James, will be completely fine.” 

“Thank you, Nat. It means a lot that-” 

“That’ll be enough out you, James. Thank you. I know what your actual personality is, there’s no reason to pretend just because we happen to be at work.” Bucky rolls his eyes, feeling much more relaxed now that he’s talked with Nat. “Now, feel free to ignore this, but I have some friends who would be willing to-”

“No.” Bucky can feel himself blushing. “I’m good. Totally fine, trust me. I’ve got it.” 

“Just thought I would make sure.” She can barely contain her laughter. “New boyfriend? Girlfriend?”

“I don’t think I would call him a boyfriend, not exactly.” Not at all, really. But what Natasha doesn’t know won’t hurt her. “But something like that.” 

“Well, I hope I get to meet the lucky man sometime. I need to make sure the most important man in my life is being taken care of.” 

“I feel like Clint would feel offended at that.”

“Oh, that dumbass is so important me that it breaks all other scales, don’t tell him I said that of course, I like to keep him on his toes.” 

“Well, I’m going to try to get some work done. If I don’t want my to-do list to become too unmanageable while I’m gone, I should probably accomplish at least a few things today.” 

Natasha nods. “If you need anything, just let me know.”

Bucky leaves the room and heads to his desk, feeling ten times better now that Nat knows. It’s nice, most of the time, genuinely liking your boss and having her genuinely liking you in return. Of course, it also means that more than half the building believes that they’re sleeping together. But, as long as Clint knows that they’re not, a few rumors really don’t bother Bucky. If anything, it’s made things interesting a few times. Natasha and him have taken turns making as many lewd comments to each other as possible. The shock that appears on someone’s face is almost always worth the renewed rumors. 

By the time he’s packing up everything for the day, he wants nothing more than to go home, curl up with something horribly unhealthy to eat, and watch ‘bad’ ‘90s rom-coms until he falls asleep. He doesn’t even take the time to tell Natasha goodbye; they’ll see each other tomorrow. 

He takes the subway home, trying not to look anyone in the eye. Even if he’s three or four days until his heat starts, if an alpha is close to rut, sometimes they can pick up on even the smallest traces of pheromones. 

Bucky breathes freely again as soon as he steps through the door of his apartment. The comforting smells of _home_ rolling over him, allowing his shoulders to relax and anxiety to fade. He quickly changes into sweatpants and an oversized hoodie, tired of the restrictions of his day to day clothes. 

He thinks about the fact that a stranger will be here in just a couple of days, and he begins to try to straighten up, piling up dirty laundry and putting dishes in the sink. He’s just putting the finishing touches on a sandwich -the turkey and cheese is gone now, he needs to go to the store tomorrow and stock up on heat-friendly food- when he realizes just how much he’s sweating. 

He’s been experiencing uncomfortable twinges of pain all day, but that can be normal up to a week before a heat begins, so he hadn’t thought anything of it. But, _shit_.

Bucky can feel a small tremor in his entrance as a small stream a slick begins to make his way out. 

_Fucking shit._

Just yesterday, the doctor called him, saying that there is one candidate that should be perfect, and that they would send the papers over to his house in the next day or so. He’s going to need an alpha here, soon, and the longer he waits, the less picky he will be over which alpha it is. 

He picks up his cell phone and found Dr. Munroe’s number from when she had called him yesterday. 

“Hello.” 

“Dr. Munroe. This is Bucky -James- Barnes. My heat just started.” 

“Oh, that does speed the process up a bit, doesn’t it. Well, I’m going to have to make a few phone calls, but everything should be okay. The man we matched you with, I know you haven’t okay’ed him yet, but I have a good feeling about him. Would you rather me call one of our ‘frequent flyers’ or call him?” 

“Honestly, I don’t care. Whoever can get here the fastest.” Bucky hears himself laugh, though it’s not funny. 

“Got it. I’ll text you when someone is on their way. Good luck!” 

He sits -uncomfortably- down on the couch and finishes off the sandwich, knowing that he needs to eat as much as possible while he can. He pushes the thought that a strange man, a strange alpha, is going to be coming to his house as he pulls his hair into a small bun. He’s freaking out enough about the fact that he’s going to have to go through a heat. It would be worse without someone to help him, he keeps telling himself. He only vaguely remembers getting through heats alone, he’s had to only sporadically since high school, but from what he remembers it was hell. 

Yes, it will be much better to have this stranger come and help him. 

His phone buzzes with a text. 

**Dr. Munroe: Alpha on his way. His name is Steve. He is tall, blonde, blue eyed, and says he will be wearing a brown leather jacket. His apartment is only two blocks from yours. He left a couple minutes ago.**

Fuck. Yes. Two blocks. He should be here any minute. Tall, blonde, and blue eyes is something he can work with. Steve kind of sounds like an old man’s name, but with a name like James, Bucky doesn’t really feel as if he should be able to judge. 

Bucky pictures him, tall, blonde, blue-eyed, and broad shouldered. A brown leather jacket, and because his imagination must be in heat too, nothing on underneath it. A toned body peaking out underneath. Tight jeans that don’t leave anything to the imagination. Warm, soft hands slowly making their way down his body, wrapping around his body, wrapping around his-

Bucky moans just as there is a knock on the door. 

He practically jumps out of the couch and makes his way to the door. He feels a little sheepish over the fact that he doesn’t have the patience to wait for a guy literally two blocks away. He stops a moment, catching his breath and trying to form a facial expression that doesn’t give a ‘I was starting to jack off while imagining you helping me’ vibe. 

He opens the door and immediately feels weak in the knees. He can’t even see the guy for a few seconds, the smell coming off of him is so powerful that for a moment Bucky is worried this guy is in rut. He doesn’t smell of rut though, he smells of heaven. He smells like musk and something sweet, just barely there, that makes Bucky want to drop to his knees then and there.


	3. Three

Bucky practically has to shake the clouds out of his head, and when he finally manages it, he has to consciously make sure that his jaw isn’t dropping.

Steve, because this better freaking be Steve, is one of the most gorgeous people that he has ever met. Bucky’s imaginary Steve has nothing on the real one. This guy’s jawline is something that people would actually kill for. He is tall, blonde, blue-eyed, broad shouldered, and Bucky can’t help but want to rip the leather jacket right off of his massive shoulders. 

“Hi.” Bucky says, very smoothly. 

Steve’s pupils are already blown wide with lust, and Bucky commends his effort. His voice doesn’t sound strained at all when he says. “Hello, are you...?” The man sounds almost unsure. _Oh._ They don’t tell the alphas the omegas names, Bucky had forgotten that. 

“Yes, I am.” He considers for a second, wonders if Steve knowing his name is really that big of deal. _Fuck it_. “My name is James, but I prefer Bucky. Come in.” 

Steve, apparently, does not need to be told twice. He walks through the door confidently, like he does this all the time. For all Bucky knows, he does, but that is besides the point. Bucky can’t bring himself to look Steve in the eye, he looks down and starts walking towards the kitchen. “Do you need anything? I could-” 

Steve gently takes hold of his arm, effectively stopping him and turning him around. He takes Bucky’s chin in his hand and slowly steps closer, tilting Bucky’s head up so that if Bucky was just an inch taller their lips would be touching. “I thought I was here to take care of _you_ , not the other way ‘round.” His voice is soft and deep and _oh god_ , Bucky can’t think straight. He fucking whines, completely unintentionally. He can practically feel his body become looser at the thought of being fucked by this man. “Bucky,” His name sounds perfect on Steve’s lips. “You smell so good.” Steve pulls him closer, this time tilting his head out of the way and scenting Bucky like he’s some sort of dessert he’s been waiting all day for. This close, Bucky can feel all of Steve. He’s only been in Bucky’s home for a matter of seconds, and already he’s getting hard, straining against his jeans. “Where do you wanna do this?” 

_Bed, couch, kitchen table, who fuckin’ cares?_ “Don’t know. Just need you. Now.” 

Steve laughs at that, and if his hormones weren’t fucked to all hell right now, Bucky would probably be embarrassed by just how desperate he probably sounds. “Okay, let’s find the bed first, yeah?” Bucky nods, willing to agree to anything as long as they’re both naked as soon as possible. Steve lets go of him, and Bucky whines again, louder this time. Steve looks for a second as if he’s just going to resume what was happening, but apparently the alpha has more willpower than Bucky. “Bedroom, c’mon.” 

Bucky makes his way to the bedroom. He starts stripping halfway there, figuring that any time they can save on the undressing part of sex will mean more actual sex. His heat-addled brain only vaguely hears the groans Steve is starting to make. _Hopefully_ , Bucky thinks _this means that my undressing is at least a little bit sexy_. 

He practically jumps onto the bed, wiggling out of his -let’s be honest, soaked- underwear. He puts his hands behind his head, opens his legs, and attempts to smolder up at Steve, thankful that he still feels coherent enough to not just simply get on his hands and knees and present. 

It makes Bucky feel a little better about himself when he sees that Steve is just as turned on as he is. “God,” Steve hasn’t even gotten on the bed yet. He’s just stand there, looking at Bucky in a way that sends chills down his spine. “You’re so sexy.” 

“Yeah?” Bucky can feel himself blushing. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” 

Steve raises an eyebrow, smirking in a way that has got to be illegal. He slides off his jacket and lets it fall to the floor. Bucky can’t look away as he slowly kicks out of his shoes and peels off his socks. He teases at the hem of his t-shirt, like he’s debating whether or not to actually take it off. Bucky clenches his teeth together, terrified that he’s going to involuntarily whine again and ruin Steve’s little show. That plan goes to hell when Steve _actually_ takes off his shirt. The man is toned enough to be a freaking underwear model. 

“Steve,” Bucky whines “please.” Bucky can tell that Steve wants it just as much as he does. The growing bulge in his pants is enough to show that, at least. 

The alpha makes quick work of the rest of his clothes and joins Bucky on the bed. He’s on his hands and knees, holding himself up over Bucky. The omega has to consciously restrain himself from looking away from Steve’s face, not quite comfortable enough with the alpha to ogle him that openly. 

“So…” Steve’s voice is deep and primal. Bucky is squirming underneath him. “How do you want to do this?” 

“Now. Just now.” A wave of heat has never come over Bucky this quickly before. It’s like it jumped straight from zero to sixty. 

Steve just chuckles. “Turn around. On your knees. Lay down if you want, whatever’s comfortable. I just wanna be able to see that pretty little ass of yours.” 

Bucky does what he says, but almost feels a little disappointed. He has to remind himself that this is nothing but a strange alpha helping him through his heat. He’s not going to want to stare into his eyes or any other romantic shit. 

Of course, all of that goes out the window when Steve’s tongue pushes inside of him.

Bucky, during his relatively short life, has had multiple partners, most of whom had no qualms about going down on him. Never has he had oral quite like this before. Steve eats ass like he was fucking born for it, like it is his sole purpose in life. Within a matter of minutes, Bucky is squirming, pushing against Steve, wanting nothing more for his tongue to go as deep into him as possible. And though Bucky can’t see Steve, by the noises alone, he can tell that the alpha is more than enjoying his. 

“Steve,” Bucky whines as Steve hits _that_ spot. “Steve, I’m so close.” The alpha fucking growls, and Bucky has never really been turned on by the whole ‘animalistic alpha can’t control himself’ thing before, but right now he’s never been so turned on in his life. “Steve, please.” 

And without any warning Steve flips Bucky over like he weighs no more than a sack of potatoes. Those blue eyes are totally lust-filled now, and the pheromones come off of Steve in overpowering waves. Bucky moans again when he sees the alpha’s dick, the knot at the base already getting larger. He wants nothing more for Steve to fuck him, as soon as possible. 

Steve, however, seems to not have gotten the memo. He lowers himself so that his face is right next to Bucky’s dick. For a second, Bucky thinks -hopes- that Steve’s going to start eating him out again, but looking up at Bucky with a smirk that he is refusing to find sexy on principle, Steve begins to slowly work to fingers into him. 

Bucky can’t help the disappointed groan, which seems to only amuse Steve more. The alpha looks back up at Bucky and raises an eyebrow questioningly. Bucky just rolls his eyes. “If I wanted to get fucked with fingers, I could have done it myself, and I would have gotten myself off by-” And then he forgets what he was going to say. Fuck, he forgets his own name as he feels himself pulse around Steve’s two fingers as he comes. 

By the time he’s recovered, Steve is looking up at him again with that stupid _fucking_ smirk. “You were saying?” The faux-innocence in his voice kind of makes Bucky want to punch him, but he feels like that wouldn’t be in the interest of getting the achiness fucked out of him, so he restrains himself. 

Or he tries to. “Fuck you.” His dick is already semi-hard again, one of the joys of heat. Nothing but a knot will give him even a few minutes reprieve. 

Steve seems to be enjoying this more than he has any right to. “Really? I thought you wanted to do this the other way around?” Bucky whines for what seems like the hundredth time. Something about his tone must set Steve off, because suddenly the smirk is gone. “Give me like two seconds, yeah?” He gets off the bed -Bucky holds back another whine- and digs around in his jean pockets until he pulls out a condom. He takes it out of the foil and begins the process of putting it on, never an easy thing to do for an alpha, at least in Bucky’s experience. 

While normally, Bucky would be all for condoms. Today, he’s just impatient. “I’ve been on suppressants for two years now. There’s no way I could get pregnant. And I haven’t slept with anyone for a little longer than that.” 

Steve rolls his eyes as he continues to put it on. “Well, you were probably on suppressants for a reason. And I don’t want a kid any more than you do right now. So, better safe than sorry.” It probably only takes a few more seconds for Steve to finish up, but it feels like an eternity to Bucky. 

Bucky, giving up all hope of appearing even a little bit in control of himself, and presents, putting his face down, legs apart, and ass up, just wanting Steve to hurry the fuck up. 

It must help a little, because the alpha doesn’t even have a smart ass remark when he gets back onto the bed. Bucky feels the mattress dip under Steve’s weight in total silence. For a second, he’s almost worried, but then the heat takes over again and he just wants _something_ in his ass, and soon. 

Instead of just ramming into him as Bucky had expected, Steve stops. Bucky can feel the alpha’s dick just barely touching his entrance. He doesn’t whine this time, too worried that any movement on his part may change the alpha’s mind about fucking him. Steve slowly ghosts his hand over Bucky’s ass, almost lovingly, before pushing into Bucky until he’s bottomed out. 

Steve is big, but his heat-fueled body only takes a second to adjust. “Move, Steve,” Bucky begs, “please.” 

Steve moves. 

He pushes in and out of Bucky with so much force that Bucky’s body is completely flat against the bed, not able to do anything but lie there and take it. He can feel the alpha’s knot getting bigger, both of them moaning in unison every time it catches against Bucky’s entrance. Bucky’s dick is trapped against the mattress, but he can feel himself getting closer and closer. He wants to warn Steve, but words are getting harder and harder to form. He can barely manage a steady stream of “Fuck, Steve, more, Fuck.” And those are just one syllable words. 

“Almost there, Buck.” Steve makes out between heavy breaths. Bucky is too out of it to notice, only focusing on Steve’s knot, which is barely able to pass in and out of Bucky anymore. 

“Steve,” Bucky whines, a lot louder than he meant to. The alpha picks up the speed of his thrust and the bed begins to shake in earnest. Bucky doesn’t even spare a thought over whether or not this might bother his neighbors, too busy thinking “Yes, yes, yes, yes” over and over again. 

Soon Steve can’t even keep a steady rhythm between thrusts, just pushing in and out of Bucky as fast as possibly can. 

Steve bites down gently on Bucky’s shoulder as he begins to come, and Bucky practically yells as he quickly follows him, the pulsing sensation of Steve’s knot just enough to push him over the edge. 

Both of them lay completely still, in a haze of pleasure. Bucky is dimly aware of the pressure of Steve laying on him. It’s a comfortable, safe feeling, like nothing in the world could possibly harm him. 

“Was that okay?” Steve is still coming, Bucky can feel the condom continuing to expand inside him. It’s a pleasant surprise. Some alphas remain incoherent the whole time they’re knotted together with someone. 

“Uh hmmmm” Bucky nods, not sure if he’ll be able to string together actual sentences yet. “Very good. Great.” 

Steve chuckles. He kisses Bucky lightly on the shoulder. “We’ll probably be like this for a while.” The alpha begins to slowly trail his way across Bucky’s shoulders, just small chaste pecks. 

Bucky hums in contentment. “Yeah?” Alphas always make a big deal over just how long their knot lasts, but Bucky can’t remember one ever actually lasting more than ten or fifteen minutes. “How long do you think?” 

“Hard to say, really.” The alphas fingers begin to trace intricate little designs up Bucky’s side. “Half an hour on average, but it’s a little different every time.” 

“Shit really?” His head finally clearing, he starts to think about the logistics of their situation. “We’ll have to be careful about what kind of position we’re in every time won’t we?” 

Steve just laughs as he slowly mouths up Bucky’s neck. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's forty-five minutes later before Steve finally manages to pull out of Bucky. “Jesus Christ, Steve. Next time, I'm laying on top of you.” He pushes the alpha off of him and onto the bed. Steve doesn't let go of him though, pulling him close. Bucky tries to ignore the magnetic like pull he feels towards the alpha; he knows that it's just a byproduct of his heat. 

“So,” Steve's voice is soft in Bucky's ear, there's no trace of the hard, lust filled growl that he had earlier. “Just how long will it _be_ until next time.” 

“Honestly? I have no idea. At the beginning there's usually at least a couple hours, but I feel like my bodies in overdrive right now.” 

“So… Soon?” 

Bucky can't help but laugh. “A little eager, aren't we?” 

Steve rolls so that he's on top of Bucky again. “I can't say that I would mind another round.” Bucky can feel the alpha already starting to get hard again. “Fuck, Bucky you just smell so good.” And Steve buries his face into Bucky's neck, blatantly scenting him. 

“We really don't have to yet, I don't want to wear you out too quickly.” 

“But it starts hurting, yeah? If you wait too long? Doesn't it make sense to just _do it_ as often as possible?” 

Bucky can't help but want to agree with Steve's rationale. Whether or not his mind is on board, his body is definitely in agreement. The normal ache of heat is gone, but he's still turned on. He hasn't been turned on like this since…

“A break. I think I need a bit of a break, actually. I think I might take a shower, might not get the chance for a while.” Bucky nods towards the door to his ensuite. 

“Oh,” Steve sounds surprised. “ yeah, that's fine. Whatever you need, Bucky. I can wait as long as you want. Just yell if you need something, okay?” 

Bucky almost feels bad about leaving the guy to his own devices. Then he remembers that he's basically giving this guy no-strings-attached sex for multiple days without asking for anything in return except a willing knot. That makes him feel better. 

He turns the heat all the way up in the shower, grateful that, thanks to Steve, he doesn't have to worry about keeping himself from getting too worked up. As soon as he feel horny, Steve will knot him. It's a very nice arrangement, in Bucky's opinion. All Bucky has to do is make sure it _stays_ no-strings-attached. 

He sighs as all the sweat and grime that comes with heat falls away under the water. He can do no-strings. He's just so out of practice with any kind of sex at all, that he's having trouble distancing himself, that's all. 

He can already feel his temperature rising as he steps out of the shower. 

He steps back into his room, and is about to jump Steve, when he finds the alpha asleep. _Fuck_. “Steve?” He almost feels bad about waking him up, but fuck if he waits for Steve to wake up on his own, if might be hours. He doesn't have that kind of time. “Steve?” 

_Fuck it._

He gets on the bed and pulls down the alpha’s boxers, thankful that Steve hadn't put on any more clothes than that. Though Steve still isn't awake, he must at least smell whatever pheromones are coming off of Bucky, because he's already starting to get a little hard. 

It only takes a few strokes on Bucky's part before Steve is keening awake. “Fuck, Bucky.” 

Bucky tries to sound innocent. “I tried waking you up. Nothing else worked. But if you need to go to bed, I can-” 

“Shut up, asshole and get over here.” Steve's still lying down, but he pulls Bucky over to him. 

“You tired? Gonna have problems getting up?” Bucky, even in his slightly altered state, can't help but smirk as he looks down at the alpha. 

“I'll let you tell me if there are any problems, okay?” Bucky allows Steve to manhandle him until he's straddling the alpha. “Besides, I thought you said you wanted to be careful about the positions we get stuck in.” 

_Oh._

For all of Bucky's experience, he's never done it like this, at least not during heat. Alphas usually want to be totally in control at the best of times, and that's usually increased tenfold as soon as their omega is in heat. “True,” He tries not to look surprised by the suggestion. “This time I can sit on top of you for an hour and we’ll see how you like it.” 

Steve just laughs. “For some reason, I feel like I’ll be fine. Now enough talking.” 

Without another word, the mood shifts. Bucky basically growls when Steve starts to finger him again. It’s been hardly more than an hour since Steve’s knot was last in him, and he’s not in the mood for wasting time on useless foreplay at the moment. Steve gets the message loud and clear, and immediately gives up without a fight. Steve begins to push his knot, already starting to swell, slowly into Bucky. It’s so gentle, that Bucky almost wants to yell at him for it. Of course, his heat-addled mind is having trouble getting past the thought of Steve willingly fucking him. 

So, Bucky decides to be patient. 

Just as Steve finally bottoms out, Bucky comes. Not even able to process the fact that he just came without anybody touching his dick or prostate, he just sits blissed out for a few seconds, feeling Steve’s knot slowly continue to expand inside of him. A small, apparently masochistic, part of his brain wonders how long it would take for Steve to completely fill him up like this. No movement, no friction, just slowly allowing his knot to grow inside of him. 

He files that away for later, he’s definitely not patient enough at the moment. 

Steve grabs ahold of Bucky’s hips and begins to guide him, as Bucky begins slowly fucking himself on Steve’s dick. The alpha pushes him just a little bit, angling him back just enough to where-

“Fuck! Steve. Fuck.” He ignores the alpha’s guiding hands, moving his body quickly now, practically bouncing on Steve’s knot. “Shit, Steve. Please. Need you. Now. Please.” His words come out short and breathy, hardly able to catch his breath. 

Something, whether it’s Bucky’s pleas, his smell, or just the fucking in general, sets Steve off, and he growls again, deep and primal and possessive. “C’mon, Bucky. You got this, baby.” And something about the pet name spurs Bucky on, and he’s going twice as fast as he was, and Steve’s knot is growing faster than ever, almost catching with every thrust. 

They come at the exact same time. 

For minutes, neither one of them says anything at all. Steve just making small moans with every fresh wave of pleasure his brains sends as he comes. Bucky can practically feel his heart beating out of his chest as he tries to keep himself from fall face first into Steve’s -very inviting- chest. 

In an attempt to retain some sort of dignity, he positions Steve’s legs into a sort of backrest for himself, leaning against them as he tries to regain his mental facilities. 

Steve is the first one to say something. “Shit, Bucky.” He laughs. At what, Bucky isn’t sure. “I think I’m going to have a heart attack.” 

Bucky just snorts. “They’re going to have to be put ‘death by ass’ on your tombstone.” 

Steve nods and lays back, a satisfied smile on his face. “If I had to pick a way to go…” 

Bucky just groans, his head still not exactly firing on all cylinders. “I just want to sleep.” 

“The whole ‘being on top’ thing is hard work, isn’t it? And people make jokes about alphas falling asleep right after sex.” 

Bucky flips him off, too tired to actually think of a respectable comeback. “Awwww, Bucky.” Steve grabs his hands and, gently, pulls him so that he’s lying against the alpha’s chest. Bucky almost starts to protest. He’s pretty sure he had a good reason for not wanting to do this, when the alpha starts running his fingers through his hair. “Just sleep for a while, okay? You’ll feel better after.” 

“I’ll just feel horny when I wake up.”

Steve laughs, and Bucky -so close to Steve right now- feels the rumble that it makes in his chest. “Well, then at least you’ll have the energy to deal with it then, right?”

Bucky starts to nod in agreement, but is asleep before he can even begin.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer-than-normal chapter!!!!

Bucky wakes up in an empty bed and, just for a second, he freaks out. Of course, a few seconds into his freakout, he realizes that Steve probably just needed to leave the room for a couple of minutes and that he’ll be back soon. He probably has phone calls to return or emails to answer or something. 

Bucky waits exactly 3 minutes and 48 seconds before deciding to go and look for Steve. 

“Steve,” He calls as he walks out of the bedroom. “You still here?” 

He freezes as he finds Steve at the door standing across from a stranger. _Shit. Shit. Shit._ Who the fuck would Steve bring to his house? Bucky tries not to move, the pair haven’t noticed him yet, and he’s hoping to keep it that way for as long as possible. Steve’s smiling and talking at the guy in a way that makes it obvious that they know each other, so the guy probably isn’t just some random neighbor that’s telling them to keep the noise down. 

The guy leaves before either one of them notice Bucky standing there. It’s not until the door is closed and Steve turns around that Bucky notices the bags he’s holding. _What the fuck did this guy bring into my house?_ “Who was that?” 

“Oh, shit, Bucky. I didn’t think you’d be awake yet. I woke up and was going to get you food, but you didn’t have any in the house. So, I called one of my friends and convinced him to bring us some.” Steve walks to Bucky’s tiny excuse for a kitchen table and starts laying out the food. “I didn’t know what you like, so I had him run by a couple of places that were on the way.” By the time he’s done getting the food out of the bags, it’s covering the whole table. 

Bucky just raises an eyebrow. “You do know that it’s only you and me, right?”

Steve nods. “Yeah, but you didn’t have _any_ food in the house, and I didn’t want Sam to have to stop by more than once.”

“Oh.” Bucky has only known Steve for about 12 hours so far, and he found out right away that he wasn’t a typical asshole of an alpha, but this is nice on a whole new level. “You didn’t have to-”

“I did.” The look on Steve’s face is almost a challenge, like he’s daring Bucky to argue with him. “Now, eat before you get distracted.” 

Bucky can feel himself flush red at the thought, but he listens. Steve had managed to dig paper plates out of the back of Bucky’s pantry, so Bucky starts piling up his plate, aware that Steve is watching, like the alpha is going to make sure he’s eating enough and is willing to force feed him if necessary. It’s not until Bucky’s plate is filled and he begins eating that Steve begins making his own plate. 

“So do you always leave your house empty of food, or is that only when your heat is about to start?” 

Steve’s tone is light, but Bucky still feels embarrassed. “I was going to go shopping today, actually. It’s been years, so I was just counting the weeks that I had been off of suppressants. I guess my body just didn’t look at my schedule- Shit. What time is it? Fuck.” 

Steve just looks confused. “It’s a little after nine, I think? Why?” 

“I forgot to call my boss. God dammit.” He gets up from the table, food forgotten, and starts looking for his phone. He finally finds it, sitting on the couch where he had left it the night before. He finds Nat’s name in a matter of seconds, thankful that he had put her in his favorites list months ago. 

She answers on the third ring. “Well, well, well, look who finally decided to call.” 

“Nat, I’m so sorry, it started last night, and then I didn’t set my alarm, and-” 

“You were too busy being fucked into oblivion by your new alpha-toy to even think about calling your boss. I understand. Well, I guess I don’t _understand_ , per se, but you know what I mean. Next time, shoot me a text, okay? I’m going to have to do all my own shit today, which means nothing’s going to actually get done until tomorrow.” 

“Thanks, Nat. I owe you one.” 

“You owe me coffee. The good shit, not the crap they put in the lounge, bright and early the first day you come back.” 

“I can do that.” 

“Have fun, James. Let me know if I need to kick anyone’s ass later.” 

Bucky just laughs as his boss hangs up. He throws his phone back onto the couch, 100% sure that he’s going to forget where he put it later, but honestly not in the mood to care at the moment. His heart is still beating at an alarming rate. Thank god Natasha is understanding; some alphas would have fired him for doing something like that. 

He doesn’t even realize that he’s leaning against the wall until Steve’s scent practically surrounds him. “Everything okay?” The deep, soothing tone that Bucky has begun to associate with Steve being turned on is back. The alpha’s only inches away, though it might as well be miles with the way Bucky’s brain seems to be shorting out. It’s like he can’t move. “Do I need to kick someone’s ass for you?” 

“No,” Bucky finally manages. “My boss is good. I’m not gonna get fired or anything.” 

“Good,” The stupid smirk is back. “Now I don’t have to feel bad for distracting you.” 

And like that, Steve’s hands are on him, Bucky can feel the slick starting to leak out of him. He manages to pull his mind out of the gutter for all of two seconds. “The food?” 

Steve just chuckles. “Already put it away.” 

Bucky smiles and drags Steve to the couch. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So where do you work anyway?” Bucky hasn’t even caught his breath yet, but apparently Steve’s in the mood to play 20 questions while they’re stuck together for the foreseeable future. 

Despite Bucky’s complaints, he’s trapped underneath Steve again. He really hadn’t been thinking very far ahead when they moved to the couch. “I’m a secretary for Natasha Romanov. She’s a journalist, like big-time journalist. I read her mail and take her phone calls and all the other shit she doesn’t want to do herself. Not the most high-end job, but Nat is nice, and it pays the bills.” He doesn’t say anything about the fact that it only pays the bills because he doesn’t have to pay rent anymore. There are somethings you don’t talk about with the alpha who’s helping you through heat. “What about you?” 

“I work as security. Not at any specific place or for any specific person, but people hire me out as needed. Usually just at bars or clubs when someone important is going to be there, but sometimes just random people who want to feel safe while in the city.” 

“Oh my god, you’re a bodyguard. Could you get a more stereotypically alpha job? Did the fire and police departments not have any openings?” 

“That’s not fair, you’re a secretary. That’s kind of typical too.” Bucky would be offended if Steve’s tone would have been different, but the alpha really does just sounds defensive. “And besides, that’s not what I _enjoy_ doing, it’s just what pays my bills.” 

“Ok, Mr. Bodyguard, what do you _enjoy_ doing?” 

“Art. Pen drawings mostly, but I paint sometimes too.” 

Bucky tries to mask his surprise. Steve doesn’t exactly seem like the artist type. “Are you going to draw me like one of your french girls?” 

“Ha ha ha, I’ve never heard that one before.” The sit in silence for a few minutes, and oddly enough, Bucky doesn’t feel uncomfortable at all. If anything, he feels too comfortable. Maybe it’s the heat, or maybe Steve is just naturally someone that has a calming effect on people. Either way, he’s definitely glad that he’s not here alone. “Bucky?” He looks at the alpha. “Is this normal? Or is it going to get more… intense? At some point?”

“I think _usually_ it gets more intense than this. But my hormones are probably so messed up right now, it could go either way. Sorry.”

Steve laughs. “I was just curious. So far it seems as if it hasn’t really been bothering you too much.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It gets more intense. 

Bucky has lost track of time completely. He can’t remember if this is the second or third day of his heat. He can’t bear for Steve to stop touching him. He’s pretty sure that he followed Steve to the bathroom earlier. Not even a knot really takes away the need, not anymore anyway. He’s basically been going through a constant cycle of horniness with only small breaks, just long enough for a small nap before the whole process starts over again. 

The worst part is, some dim part of him is aware just how desperate his actions are. He can feel the shame; it’s just buried so far deep under all of the _need_ that he can’t do anything about it. 

“Bucky?” He tries to open his eyes, he really does. He’s just so tired. “Bucky you need to eat something. Or at least drink something. Otherwise you’ll get dehydrated, and then I’ll have to take you to the emergency room. I don’t want to take you to the emergency room. There might be an alpha doctor on call, and I really don’t want to bite someone’s head off.” He feels a glass being put against his lips, cool water tipping over the sides. “Drink, Bucky.” 

“Bossy.” He mutters, but listens anyway. He hadn’t realized just how dry his throat was until he took the first sip. Bucky finishes the entire glass without another complaint. “Thanks, Steve.” 

“No problem, Buck.” Steve sounds like he’s smiling. Bucky hopes that he’s smiling. Steve has such a nice smile. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky wakes up to the smell of food. It’s light outside, too bright for it to still be morning. He pushes the covers off, suddenly too hot, and is immediately thankful that he’s wearing boxers. He probably has Steve to thank for that. He gets out of bed, the promise of food the most important thought in his head, finally. It gets exhausting, only being able to think about sex all the time. 

He finds the alpha warming up leftovers. “Bucky?” The look of concern throws Bucky off for a second. “Are you feeling okay?”

Bucky can’t stop the laugh. “Of course I am, do I look that bad?” 

“Oh,” Steve looks embarrassed. “No, of course not. It’s just that, the last couple of times you got out of bed, I had to carry you back.” 

Bucky can feel himself flush red. He rubs the back of his neck. “Sorry about that, it’s-” 

“No, you’re fine. Really. I’m glad that you’re feeling better. I was worried I was going to have to call a doctor to find a way to get you to eat.” Steve puts a heaping plate of what appears looks to be the last of the leftover chinese food that Steve’s friend had brought. 

Bucky just digs in, too hungry to really care about what exactly he’s eating. “How long did it last, anyway?” 

“This afternoon it’ll be six days.”

“Six days!” He’s never had a heat that long before. “I’m so sorry, I really didn’t think it would last that long. I read that sometimes your heat is weird after coming off of suppressants, but I didn’t think that-” 

“Bucky,” Steve’s just smiling, completely ignoring that fact that Bucky has basically cheated him out of almost a whole week. “It’s fine. You didn’t know, and even if you did, it wouldn’t be a big deal.”

“Your work is probably-” 

Steve shakes his head. “I get called out on a night-to-night basis. I just told them to skip me on the rotation for a couple days. I have my job back as soon as I want it.” Bucky manages another bite of the food, still feeling guilty. “I’m serious, Bucky.” It’s like Steve can smell the anger that he’s feeling towards himself. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” 

Bucky just nods. 

“So is it over? Or is this just a moment’s reprieve?” 

Bucky stops. He’s honestly not sure. He still feels warm, but there’s no slick running down his legs. He still kind of wants to jump Steve, but that’s probably just a lingering feeling. Looking at Steve, he’d probably want to jump him no matter what part of his cycle he was in. 

“It’s hard to say, but I think it’s over.” 

Steve must hear the question in his voice. “Well, if you’d like, I can hang out here for a while longer, just in case.” 

“It can’t hurt, I guess.” For the first time, the silence between them feels uncomfortable as they both finish the food off of their plates. “I think I’m going to take a shower.” Bucky finally decides. 

Steve looks as if he’s going to suggest something, then seems to change his mind. “Ok, just yell if you need anything.” 

Bucky hurries from the table as quickly as he can without simply sprinting away. When he gets to the bathroom, he turns the water as hot as it can possibly go. When it’s warm enough to get under, he does so immediately. He washes his hair three times before it feels actually clean, and he considers for what seems like the millionth time cutting his hair again. It takes even longer to get the grimy feeling of sweat off of his skin. Bucky thinks about how much more enjoyable this part of heat would be with someone - _Steve_ , his brain supplies- to help clean up. After days of desperate, heat-fueled sex, how relaxing it would be to slow down and drag everything out as long as possible. Touch each other in every place possible-

_Shit._

Bucky’s hard again, and this time it’s not his heat’s fault, just his own imagination. For a second, he considers yelling for Steve. After scrubbing himself for so long, he doesn’t smell like heat anymore, but Steve might not notice, and if he did, they could both just pretend. Bucky imagines that for a second. Calling Steve in here, telling him that he _needs_ him. The alpha would be willing, probably more than willing. He’d strip and join Bucky under the water’s spray. Steve would open Bucky up slowly, maybe push him up against the shower wall and kiss him senseless while fingering him open. Steve might run his fingers through Bucky’s wet hair, growling just a little bit, like that first night, turning him around and fucking-

Bucky comes without even realizing he was close. 

At least he officially knows that his heat is over, as the shame that usually comes from getting off from the thought of someone you don’t even know that well is back in full force. He grabs the soap again, trying to scrub the scent off of him. 

He spends entirely too long in the shower, irrationally hoping that maybe Steve will be gone before he gets out. Eventually though, he has no other choice but to turn off the water. He wraps a towel around his waist and goes into the bedroom, digging around in his drawers for clean sweatpants. 

Unable to stall any longer, Bucky goes back to where he had left the alpha. Steve had cleaned up while Bucky was in the shower, all of the food was put away and the dishes were washed. 

“Are you still feeling okay?” Steve asks, sounding genuinely concerned. 

“I am, actually. The shower helped. I almost feel back to normal now.” 

For the first time since the alpha arrived, Steve almost looks unsure of himself. He rubs the back of his neck and chuckles softly. “I guess you won’t need me around anymore. I should probably get going.” 

“Of course,” Bucky feels surprised, though he knows that Steve wasn’t just going to stay. “I’ll get the rest of the food out for you to take-”

Steve shakes his head, stopping Bucky mid sentence. “No, you can keep it. You don’t have any food in the house, and I know that you could go to the store, but there’s no reason to yet. There’s only enough for a couple more meals anyway, and I promised one of my friends I’d eat with them as soon as I left here.” 

“If you’re sure-”

“I am.” 

Bucky’s sure that there is some sort of appropriate way to say goodbye to a man you don’t know, who just regularly fucked you into oblivion for the last five and a half days, but he’s not sure what exactly it is. “I- Uh- Thank you. I- It would have been- I don’t know what I would have done without you.” 

Steve looks almost as embarrassed as Bucky feels, which is slightly comforting. “Don’t mention it. It wasn’t exactly a hardship.” Steve flushes an even deeper red at that. “I’m- I’ll be going then.” 

And with no more than that, Steve leaves. 

Bucky has gotten used to the solidarity of the life he leads. It's been more than two years since he's felt that close to anyway except _possibly_ Natasha. But this feeling, the one that's sinking into his chest as Steve shuts the door without another word, he recognizes it. It's the feeling that he was drowning in for most of his adolescence, and the one that he thought he wouldn't feel again when…

Regardless, he knows this feeling. For the first time in a very long time, Bucky feels lonely.


	5. Five

“Nat?”

“Thank god,” Even through the phone, Bucky can hear the relief in her voice. “If you didn’t call soon, I was going to send the police to your house. I know you were probably busy fucking or whatever, but a text or something every couple of days would be nice.” 

“I’m sorry Nat, really. I just-”

“You were busy, I get that.” 

“Anyway, I can come back to work-”

“Take tomorrow off. I can survive one more day without you.”

“I’m fine now, Nat, really. I can-”

“Did I say you _couldn’t_? No, just that you don’t _have to_. Take a day off, relax a little, watch some television, take a walk, whatever. Just, don’t come in tomorrow. If you miss me that much, we can meet up for lunch or something.” 

“Okay, Nat. Whatever you say.”

“It apparently has taken you two years, but I knew that you would figure that out eventually.” After a lot of debate, they agree on the same deli where they always go for lunch, and then both hang up their phones. 

Looking forward to his unexpected day off, Bucky decides to binge watch Parks and Rec and snacks on the leftovers until it’s late enough for him to go to bed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky wakes up before it’s completely light outside, a side effect of going to sleep before it’s totally dark. Knowing that he won’t be able to fall back asleep, he decides to get up and go on a run, something he’s been promising himself he’d get back into for a couple weeks now. 

He turns the coffeemaker on before he leaves, knowing that the motivation of fresh coffee when he gets back will help him complete the route. It’s only 2.5 miles, not even impressive when compared to what he used to run, but it’s better than nothing. 

By the time he returns, he’s completely drenched in sweat and the sun is starting to finally make an appearance. He is just about to pour himself a cup of coffee, when he decides to take a quick shower instead. The coffee will be hot for a while, but the sweat running down his back is already getting uncomfortable.

The hot water feels good, and Bucky is always in a better mood after a run, which has something to do with endorphins, apparently. Bucky remembers hating heats, he hated how desperate they made him, but this one wasn’t really so bad. It helped that he didn’t really know Steve, Bucky decides. There was no pressure, no preconceived ideas, just sex. He has relaxed more in the last five days than he has in the last 2 years, maybe the last 3 or 4 years. Maybe Bucky could start doing the whole casual sex thing. It’s been _years_ since he’s even considered that. 

Of course, finding someone half as attractive as Steve might be a bit difficult. 

It’s something to consider though. Bucky knows he has way too many issues to be able to build a viable relationship with anyway, but casual. Casual he might be able to do. 

He gets out of the shower and slowly finishes the entire pot of coffee, finishing another season of Parks and Rec. Watching the same four seasons over and over again gets kind of old, but he refuses to go past that. He tells himself it’s for lots of reasons.

He’s startled out of belittling himself when his phone vibrates. 

**From Nat: You ready for lunch? I think I can sneak out of here early**

**To Nat: Yeah sure I’ll grab a table outside b4 the rush**

Thankful that he has a something new to focus on, he changes into clothes that don’t smell old, and walks out the door. It’s nice outside, something he hadn’t noticed when he was drowning in his own sweat this morning. There is just enough of a breeze to not be hot. Spring is officially gone now, and Bucky knows that the weather will probably be unbearably hot in just a couple of weeks. He should probably spend more time outside while he still can without having to worry about melting. 

He beats Nat to the deli. He loves this place not just because the food is good, but because it’s almost the exact same distance from work as it is his home, with Natasha’s home being just a few blocks away. All three places he regularly spends time at. It’s very convenient. 

He orders their food -for someone who pretends to be mysterious Nasha is definitely a creature of habit- and sits down at their regular table. It’s in the perfect place, a shady spot right next to the corner of the building so that they can people watch without being blinded by the sun. 

It only takes his boss another 5 minutes to meet him. 

“Did you get held up at the office today, darling?” 

Nat places a chaste kiss on Bucky’s cheek. “One of us has to earn a living in this relationship, sweet cheeks. Not everyone can just sit around all day.” 

“I’ll have you know that I got off the couch twice, thank you very much. One of the times I even exercised.” 

“Good, I wasn’t going to mention it, but-” Nat sits down and practically tears into her food, laughing as Bucky flips her off. 

“Have I ever told you that you even eat like an alpha?” Bucky watches in disgust as her sandwich is slowly inhaled. “Because it’s disgusting and messy.” 

“Clint thinks I’m adorable.” 

“Clint is practically deaf, he can’t hear the sounds of your chomping.” 

“Right? It’s perfect.” 

Bucky rolls his eyes as he takes a civilized-size bite out of his own lunch. 

“Speaking of perfect,” Nat’s got a look in her eyes that makes Bucky think that she’s up to something. “How have the last couple of days been?” Before Bucky can say anything, he flushes at the idea that he boss knows exactly what he has been up to. “Ha! That good?” 

“It wasn’t bad. I definitely don’t regret it.” 

“So, do I get to meet them soon?”

 

“Nat, I don’t think it’s that kind of relationship. I don’t even know if I’m going to see him again.” 

She seems almost disappointed, like she had been looking forward to interrogating his boyfriend. Knowing Nat, she probably already has some questions written down in her office somewhere. 

“You know, Clint’s been mentioning this guy he works with, a beta who works in accounting-”

“I don’t want you to set me up with someone, Nat.” 

“Are you sure? Because half the time when you see a couple you get murder eyes, and the other half you just get sad.”

“I do not!”

“You do, I’ve been watching. You’ve glared at three people already today, and that’s just been in the last 5 minutes.” 

“I don’t want a relationship right now.”

Nat just rolls her eyes. “You’ve been telling me that since I’ve known you, and if I believed you I would drop it, but for some reason I feel like you do want one.” 

“Drop it, Nat.” His voice comes out as more of a growl than he meant it to, and from the look on Natasha’s face, she’s just as surprised as he is. “I’m sorry. It’s just- I’m just not in that kind of place in my life right now. I’ll tell you when I am, okay?”

Nat gently takes hold of his arm. “I just want you to be happy, I wasn’t trying to push you, but it came out like that. I’ll try to be less of an alpha.” 

“No hard feelings.” 

And just like that, Natasha goes off into a long, complex story about what happens when she allows Clint to mess with her presentation notes a half an hour before said presentation. 

The story is entertaining. It combines all of his favorite things, Clint being a dumb ass, Natasha bullshitting her way through things, and oblivious executives pretending that they understand what’s going on. Bucky laughs in all the right places, but he’s not thinking about the story. 

He’s thinking about a room. Not any room, but _the_ room. The one in his apartment. The door has been shut for a little over two years. It’s been shut since before he met Clint, before he met Natasha, since before everything went to shit. 

He’s just now getting his life back together. He has a job that pays enough for him to live off of. He has a friend, two friends since Clint and Natasha started dating. He went on a run this morning, and ordered his sandwich with the low fat chips and light mayo. His mom would say that his hair needs cut, but he’s seen some other guys with hair like his and they seem to be pulling it off okay. 

He doesn’t say very much the rest of lunch. Nat probably notices it, but she has the tact to not say anything. Her parting hug is a little longer than normal and a little tighter. She doesn’t know what’s wrong, and she didn’t ask, but Bucky is glad that he has someone like her in his life. She’s someone who knows when you’re feeling down, but knows when to leave you alone about it. 

Bucky walks home, pretending that everything is normal. It’s never bothered him before, but he can’t stand the quiet of the apartment. It’s too big. He’d always luxuriated in the fact that three of his childhood homes would fit in his adult home, but now, sitting alone in a quiet, he just wants to be back home. He wants his mom to be trying to pretend what she’s cooking is an adequate amount for three people. He wants his father, drunk as usual, cussing out the people from work. He wants his little sister coloring at the kitchen table. 

He decides to open the room. 

He’s pretty sure he’s actually going to this time. He’s off the couch. His hand is on the door. He can almost hear the voices in his head, telling him to go sit back down. This could wait until tomorrow. One more day of not dealing with the pain won’t hurt anyone. But he ignores it. He’s going to open the door. 

And then the phone rings. 

Not sure if he hates the person calling, he answers the phone. “Bucky Barnes.” He’s almost proud of himself. His voice doesn’t even shake. 

“Hello, is this James Barnes? This is Schuyler Clinic.”

“Yeah, this is James.” 

“We’re calling because of your request to be prescribed heat suppressants. If you still wish to use them, you need to come in for a physical with a physician before-”

“Wait,” Bucky interrupts. “I just had a physical.” 

“There’s been a change in policy. After going through a heat after two years on suppressants, a doctor needs to make sure your body is still functioning before you can continue the suppressants.” 

“But-” 

“I’m sorry, sir, you have to come in for a physical, or the doctor can’t prescribe you suppressants.” 

Bucky sighs, knowing that getting angry at a receptionist is not going to fix any of his problems. “How soon can I get in.” 

“Doctor Munroe mentioned that she has a small opening in her schedule in an hour, if you can get here.” 

“Alright. I’ll be there.” He gets an immature sense victory as he hangs up the phone without another word. 

Bucky’s just glad that he hadn’t changed into comfortable clothes yet. He leaves the house without a second thought, trying to not even think about what he had been about to do. He has to take the subway to get to the clinic. Thankfully, the heat scent seems to have completely left him now. Bucky’s only had to ride the subway smelling of heat one time, and it had been unpleasant enough to make him avoid it at all costs ever since. One homeless-looking alpha gives him a second glance, but all Bucky has to do is glare at him for a couple of seconds, and he turns away. 

The clinic is packed, as per usual, but luckily Bucky only has to wait for half an hour before an omega woman comes to bring him to one of the back rooms. He had already filled out all the forms while he was waiting, and the nurse takes his temperature and blood pressure in record timing. 

The doctor looks apologetic when she walks into the room. 

Bucky’s not in the mood for an apology. “Long time, no see.” 

“I know you don’t want to be here. If it is any consolation, I wish you didn’t have to come.” Bucky rolls his eyes, but nods. “The alpha, Steve? Was he respectful?”

“Have you met the guy? I don’t think he could be disrespectful if he tried.” 

Dr. Munroe smiles at that. “I am glad to hear it.” She spends the next several minutes checking over every part of his body. In Bucky’s experience, doctors seem to hover over the areas you want them to leave alone, and this time is no exception. Of course, he didn’t expect anything else from an omega clinic. 

“Everything seems to be working properly, so that is a good sign.” The doctor sighs as she takes her gloves off and deposits them in the trashcan. “Unfortunately, there is something else I’m required to talk to you about.” She seems to almost prepare herself for what she’s about to say. “The suppressants you last used, they were the ‘generic’ version. Effectively the same ingredients under a different ‘brand name,’ so considered by most professionals to be just as effective, but significantly cheaper.” 

“Okay.” Bucky isn’t sure he likes where this is going. 

“The version you have been taking is being discontinued. I’m not even sure of the reasoning behind this myself, the company is being very quiet about it.” 

“So, can I use a different version?” 

She sighs again. “There are no other generic versions. I’m not sure where your finances stand at this moment, Mr. Barnes. But the ‘brand name’ version of suppressants is very expensive. Many omegas that I have seen in the last couple of days will no longer be able to afford them. I hope that you don’t fall into the same boat.” She hands him the papers he needs in order to receive the suppressants, her signature practically illegible on the page. “You have a week to decide, if you need that long. And of course, if you are in need of an alpha’s services at any time in the future, feel free to use my number.” 

The rest of the appointment passes in a blur. He’s sure that the doctor continued to ask him questions, but he can’t remember what they were or how he answered them. He has to consciously to remind himself to take every breath, _in out, in out_. He’s seconds away from full-on hyperventilating. Bucky’s head is swimming with incoherent thoughts as he walks out of the clinic. Right now, he needs to be left alone. 

He takes the long way home, slowly ambling through one of the parks on his way there. He sees teenagers, probably just presented, attempting to flirt, and people walking their dogs, and people who are flirting instead of paying attention to their dogs. 

Bucky knows that he has to make a choice. He makes a decent amount of money for an omega, he knows that. And he doesn’t have monthly rent anymore. Paying the monthly bills takes a sizable chunk out of his paycheck, but he still has enough to pay for food and the occasionally self-indulgence. _Theoretically_ , he could afford the suppressants. 

But, that’s not taking Rebecca into account. 

His little sister is 18, about to start her second year of college. She’s so smart, but they had both been surprised when she got into Stanford. With both of their parents dead, she qualifies for quite a bit of financial aid, but still not quite enough to cover all of her bills, let alone flying across the country. 

Bucky doesn’t know if he could rationalize sending his little sister, his only family left, spiraling into debt because he doesn’t want to be uncomfortable for a week every couple of months. 

He sits down on a park bench, still reminding himself to breath. 

He’s lost track of time when a lady pushing a stroller sits down next to him. He’s about to quietly leave without a word when he sees the beach ball-sized bump protruding from her stomach. 

The surprise on his face must show. “It’s big, I know.” She rubs it, almost unconsciously. 

Bucky looks in the stroller to see a small child -a girl, he thinks, though it’s hard to tell- asleep. “Your kid’s cute.” He doesn’t feel creepy as he says it, one of the few benefits of being an omega. Very rarely do you get accused of attempted pedophilia. 

“Thanks,” The mom says with a smile. “You wouldn’t say that if you saw her awake though. She moves so fast she’s practically blurry. Or maybe my waddle has just gotten too slow.” 

They sit in silence for a few minutes, the mom just seems to be happy to be able to sit down and relax for a second. “Are you worried-” Bucky starts before realizing how familiar of a question that is to ask. 

“About having two?” She smiles as she guesses his question. “Nah. If anything, I’m hoping that eventually they learn how to entertain each other. I’ve played tea party four times this week, it gets a little exhausting.” Bucky still chews on his lip, and she must see the question in his eyes. “You can ask me anything. Honestly, I’m jumping at the chance to talk to another another adult at this point.” 

Bucky pushes his social anxiety down, comforted by the fact that he probably won’t ever see this woman again. “Are you worried that you’ll love one more than the other?” 

The woman’s face goes from relaxed to completely serious in a matter of seconds. “I was, at first. When we were talking about having another one, I was excited, I wanted to go through all those ‘firsts’ again, you know? First steps, first tooth, first haircut. But then we found out that I was pregnant, and my husband was just ecstatic, and I think I put on a pretty good show of it, but internally? I was starting to have doubts.” She stares at he daughter. “I just love her so much, you know? I didn’t think it would be possible to love a whole new person so intensely. And that feeling lasted for a while, longer than I’m really willing to admit. But then I felt the baby kick for the first time, and we went in for an ultrasound, and I saw the little blobs, and I fell in love all over again.” There are literal tears coming out of the woman’s eyes, and Bucky is a little unsure of how to deal with this. “And I’m sure I’ll love them _differently_ , they’re each going to be their own person. But I love both of them too much for words.” She wipes her eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cry, really. Don’t think I’m crazy or anything, it’s just that these hormones-”

“You’re fine. I don’t think you’re crazy, really.” The little girl begins to fidget around in her stroller. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to wake her up. I swear-”

The mother just laughs as she unbuckles the little girl. “Don’t worry, she slept longer than usual as it is. I was going to wake her up soon anyway.” 

Bucky’s not sure he believes the woman. He knows she’s probably just trying to be polite. Regardless, it does make him feel a bit better. 

The dark-haired little girl blinks at him from her mother’s arms. “Are you going to say hi?” The woman whispers, a smile on her lips. 

The little girl remains silent, but she waves at him, wiggling her fingers in his general direction. “What- How old is she?” 

The mother smiles at her child. “She’ll be two next month.” 

Bucky practically jumps off of the park bench, and without another word, he walks home. He pushes the door, still unopened, out of his mind.


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some (very poorly edited) #sideplot for your Thursday evening/Friday morning

Bucky is coping. Or at least, that's what he tells himself. It's been two and a half months since his last heat, and his life has gone pretty much back to normal.

Except that he can't afford the suppressants. But other than that, completely normal. 

The immediate problem is that he needs to decide how this next heat is going to work. He's pretty sure he needs an alpha to be with him. If his next heat is going to be anything like his last one, not having an alpha there would be… Rough, to say the least. 

The real question is whether or not he should ask for Steve again. The alpha was kind of perfect the last time, not to mention sexy as hell. But, in this arrangement, the alphas have an opportunity to say no. And if Bucky says yes, then he'll definitely know that Steve said no. But if Bucky says no, then he'll never know if Steve said yes, and… 

The form is sitting on his table, mocking him. 

He starts eating the chocolate muffin he had picked up after his run this morning. _I deserve this_ , He tells himself. 

He needs to decide today. He knows that, he really does. It's just such a _hard_ decision. 

Natasha would be making fun of him right now, if she knew what he was thinking. He can almost hear her voice in his head. _Worse case scenario, the guy doesn't want to fuck you, and you never see him again. Calm the fuck down, James._

Bucky quickly marks the right spot on the form, immediately feeling a flood of relief. At least it's not in his hands anymore. If Steve’s willing to spend a couple of days fucking Bucky, good, and if not, well, there’s more than one single alpha in the city. 

**From Nat: We still up for lunch bc Clint misses you**

Bucky rolls his eyes. Clint and Natasha are good friends, they really are, but it’s very easy to tell when they’re worried about him. 

**To Nat: Duh. I’ll be there at 1**

He hops in the shower. As friends go, Clint and Nat are pretty understanding, but for some reason he feels like they might prefer him not to smell like he just ran two miles in the sweltering heat. The shock of the cold water as he steps into the shower sends waves of goosebumps up his arms. As the water warms up, Bucky feels himself relax. It’s like the tension melts away, all of his muscles loosen at the exact same time. 

The only thing that could make this better is someone else, warm hands holding Bucky, pulling him close. Someone else’s hands running their hands through his hair, gently scrubbing away the dirt and the sweat. 

Bucky pretends that the alpha he’s imagining is faceless. Generically strong and firm, with large, warm hands that hold Bucky in all of the right places. Bucky’s good at lying to himself. He doesn’t think about blonde hair or blue eyes or that growl, or at least he tells himself that he doesn’t. 

By the time he’s dressed and ready to leave, he almost doesn’t feel guilty about his imagination. 

He walks quickly on his way to Nat’s apartment. He slowly witnesses the neighborhoods scale upwards as he makes his way. Natasha’s apartment has an honest-to-goodness doorman. Thankfully, Scott recognizes him and he doesn’t have to awkwardly ask for Natasha. He walks through the halls to Nat’s, only vaguely uncomfortable with the fact that his clothes look like they’d be more appropriate in a seedy bar than an apartment building. 

When Clint opens the door, he looks almost painfully excited to see him. “Bucky! It’s been so long!” And with that, the omega pulls him into a hug. Clint has never been all that big on personal space. 

“I’m sorry, I’ve been busy lifting your girlfriend’s shit for her.” 

Clint just laughs. “Somebody has to do it, and it’s sure as hell not going to be me.” 

“Asshole,” Bucky starts. 

“Now, boys. Let’s get along, shall we?” Nat interrupts. 

Bucky is about to start protesting, when he smells the food. “Yeah, Clint. Let’s get along.” He begins creeping toward the kitchen. 

Nat grabs him by the back of the shirt and pushes him gently onto the couch. “No way. It won’t be done for another fifteen minutes, and we’ve already learned what happens when we let pair of you in the kitchen.” 

Clint has the sense to look guilty at least. “I have been formally banned from the kitchen until further notice.” 

Bucky is offended. “I will have you know that I _do_ manage to feed myself when I’m not with you, Natasha.” 

“Easy mac and ramen noodles hardly count as food, and you know that. Nice try though.” Natasha, apparently giving up on the pair of them, escapes into the kitchen. 

Bucky just looks at Clint. “Your girlfriend is crazy.” 

The look on Clint’s face kind of makes Bucky want to throw up, his eyes all sappy and emotional. “Yeah, she really is.” 

“You’re both disgusting.” 

“Awww, Bucky. Don’t be like that.” Clint cuddles into Bucky, practically sitting on his lap. “You’d be the exact same way if you found someone.” 

Bucky rolls his eyes. “I’m not even looking, let alone finding anyone.” Clint snorts at that, and Bucky pokes him sharply in the side. “I’m not looking.” 

“Uh huh. Sure you’re not.” Clint snuggles into him more, burying his face in Bucky’s shoulder. 

“You’re kind of cute, Clint. Are you looking for-”

“Haha, Bucky, you’re very funny.” Natasha walks into the room. “But I don’t share.” She pulls Clint off of Bucky’s lap and into hers as she sits down. She grabs hold of Bucky’s hand through and doesn’t let go, like she doesn’t want to leave Bucky on his own. 

He appreciates that. 

Clint is practically glowing. He always does, when Nat is touching him. Bucky has never seen a weirder couple than the pair of them, but he’s never seen one that worked quite this well either. 

“Bucky?” Clint starts, still sounding almost like he’s in a haze. “Did Nat tell you about the beta from accounting? He seems-”

“I’m not looking for anyone, Clint. Really.” 

:Boys, I didn come in here for a reason. The food’s ready. And if you wait too long, it’ll be cold. I will not tolerate on complaints about cold food just because you two couldn’t get your asses in gear.” 

Both of the omegas listen at once, making their way to the kitchen without any arguments. Bucky’s not sure what Natasha made. It’s something italian with pasta and red sauce and -Bucky thinks- maybe mushrooms. 

Clint has just finished telling a story detailing exactly how he managed to get on the roof of the office building when he was supposed to be in a meeting on the fourth floor, when he gets an almost sly look on his face. 

“You know, I wouldn’t have gotten out of that without Johnny Storm. He’s this beta that works in the R&D department. He’s literally the cockiest beta I’ve ever met, but I’m sure that you could-”

“Clint, I already told you-” 

“Or there’s Wanda, from legal. I’ve always got the feeling you preferred guys, but I’ve been wrong before-”

Bucky has to consciously restrain himself from rolling his eyes. “I prefer guys, but I’m not looking-” 

“I don’t believe you, Bucky. You get this pinched look on your face every time Nat touches me.” 

“Maybe-” 

“Bucky,” Natasha stops him. “Don’t be petty, Clint is just trying to help.” She looks at her boyfriend. “Clint, if Bucky says he doesn’t want to date right now, we need to respect that. He’s a big boy.” 

It takes them the rest of the meal to work their way back into a normal conversation. Bucky’s not mad at the couple, per se, but it would be nice if they could at least pretend that they trust his judgement on things. In their defence, part of him does want to start dating again. That part of him just be a lot more visible than he realized. 

By the time they’re settling onto the couch with popcorn and a couple glasses of wine -because they’re classy- everything feels back to business as usual between them. Clint even picks out a shitty rom com. 

“C’mon Bucky, you know that you love them.”

“They’re so predictable. I like a movie that keeps me guessing.” Clint just rolls his eyes and focuses on the screen. “See,” Bucky points at the leading actors. “Those two are going to end up together, you can tell already.” 

Clint scoffs. “They hate each other right now!” 

He decides not to argue with a brick wall, even if it is an exceptionally _wrong_ brick wall. 

Bucky firmly believes that the tear slowly making its way down his cheek as the credits roll is solely due to his allergies, and he wipes it off as quickly as possible, lest someone -Clint- get the wrong idea about Bucky’s taste in movies. Natasha pauses the dvd as she comforts Clint, who is openly sobbing at this point. He crawls into his girlfriend’s lap, practically burying his face into her chest -in a completely unsexy sort of way. 

It takes him a couple of minutes to calm down, at which point Bucky is feeling a lot better and has to suppress his urge to make fun of the other omega. After all, the movie had been pretty touching, especially that last part with the- 

Nope. He’s not letting himself get emotional again. Once a day is more than enough, thank you. 

When Clint is acting sane again, Natasha clears her throat. “We did invite you here for more than just bawling over low budget movies.” Bucky almost protests, Clint was the only one bawling, but one look from Nat stops him. “We have something we’d like to talk to you about.” 

Clint looks almost guilty, which makes Bucky feel nervous. There’s not a whole lot that could make Clint look guilty. The omega is a relatively guiltless individual. 

“You guys didn’t rob any banks, right? Do you need an alibi, because-” 

Nat looks offended. “If I robbed a bank, I wouldn’t even need an alibi. I’d never even be a suspect.” The amount of certainty she conveys with those words scares Bucky just a little, but he doesn’t mention it, still trying to think of something they could have done that would make Clint feel bad. 

Clint, apparently, does not have the patience tonight for a dramatic reveal. “We’re going to bond.” 

That stops Bucky. 

He’s not surprised, or at least he shouldn’t be. Clint and Natasha have been dating for a year and a half now, they moved in together six months ago, and neither one of them have ever acted like that were less than 100% sure of their relationship. 

But he is, still surprised that is. Clint acts like too much of a kid for Bucky to ever expect him to come to such an adult decision. Natasha has never seemed like the bonding type. It’s a permanent thing. Bondmates or more than spouses. They’re forever. Nothing, barring death, can separate them. Even if a couple decides to split up, after bonding, they will always smell just a little like their bondmate, even years or decades later. 

Bucky is happy for them, he really is, but his smile feels forced, and he’s sure that Clint and Natasha can both tell. “That’s great you guys. When?”

Clint, who is too busy making mooneyes at Natasha to notice anything else, beams. “My heat should start sometime in the next two weeks or so.” 

“Bonding during heat,” Bucky tries to make his voice playful. “How very conventional of you. And I always thought you guys were anti-traditionalist.” 

“Oh trust me,” Nat has a wicked smile across her face. “If his heat were any longer away, we definitely wouldn’t be waiting.” She smiles at Clint. “Could you grab the bottle of wine from the kitchen?” 

Clint does so, and Natasha wastes no time. “You’re okay with this, right?”

“Of course I am, Nat.” Bucky’s voice sounds strained, even to him. “What makes you think I wouldn’t-”

“Cut the bullshit, James.” Nat’s voice is almost harsh now. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, but at least admit that you’ve got a few things you’re avoiding.” 

“How-” 

“You refuse to attend any sort of celebration between mates, and your face goes completely blank whenever someone mentions theirs. I’m not asking that you tell me what went on there, but could you at least tell me where we’re going to stand after Clint and I bond?”

Bucky breathes deeply for just a couple of seconds. “Nat, you and Clint are two of the closest friends I’ve ever had. I can’t think of a single thing that you guys could do that would piss me off enough to where I don’t want to be friends with you anymore. I’m- The idea will just take some getting used to. Just give me a couple of days, to process things, okay?” 

Natasha nods. “Of course. Whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it.” The alpha pulls him in for a hug just as Clint walks back in, bottle of wine in hand. 

When Bucky is crying into his pillow that night, he’s can’t even explain to himself what exactly is making him this upset.


	7. Seven

Bucky is sitting down at his desk when he gets the text. 

**From Doctor Munroe: Steve agreed. Just text me when your heat starts, I'll relay the message**

“Who are you texting? And when are you getting laid?” 

“Fuck off, Nat. I can look happy about something other than sex.” 

“Nobody looks that happy about something that isn't sex, trust me.” 

Bucky quickly debates with himself exactly how much he should tell Nat. She deserves to know a little bit. “Remember my not-boyfriend from my last heat?” Natasha nods. “Well, I guess you could say that I'm not exactly in the market for a fake knot for my next one.” 

“Oh, are we allowed to address that now? Because as your boss, I don't care how often your heats are, but as your friend I'm a little curious. I thought you liked being on suppressants?” 

“It's complicated.” Bucky can feel himself blush. “How long have you known I wasn't on them anymore?” 

“It was hard to tell at first. But when you spend every day with someone, subtle things about their scent are kind of obvious after a while.” Nat smiles. “Clint could tell that night you were at our apartment. I think that's why he was giving you such a hard time about letting us set you up with someone. He thought it was your way of deciding it was time to settle down or something, I don't know.” 

“Nope,” Bucky laughs. “Definitely not that. There were just some other things… Side effects that I was getting tired of dealing with.” _That doesn't even really count as a lie_ , Bucky tells himself, _because paying for something is technically a side effect of using it._

“The same alpha for two different heats? Are you worried one of you might get attached? I can't imagine. Clint’s first heat was when I knew; all the sudden I was in it for the long haul.” 

“Awww, and Clint tells people he won you over with his charming personality.” 

Natasha laughs. “That helped too. I don’t care how good the sex is, it’s the rest of the time that really makes a relationship work.” 

“Speaking of, how’s the bonded life?”

“Perfect,” Natasha doesn’t even have to think about it. “Although not very different than life before. If you can believe it, Clint’s even more cuddly now. I’ve been told that the constant touching is a honeymoon thing, but I’m beginning to think it might just be a Clint thing.” 

Bucky laughs at that, proud of the fact that his voice sounds completely normal. He should be happy for his friends. They’re doing what makes them happy, and that should be the only important thing. “My heat should start in about a week, so if you need to arrange a temp-” 

“Do you want a couple days before off too? I’d miss you at lunch, but I’m sure that I could survive.” 

“Nah, you’re fine. My cycle isn’t completely regular yet, so it’s hard to tell exactly when it’s going to start. Do you want me to call the temp agency?

“You’re fine, I can organize one. Are you going to text me this time, or…?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**To Nat: Yeah… not coming in tomorrow.**

**From Nat: Take care of yourself**

**To Nat: Oh I will ;)**

**From Nat: tmi**

Bucky’s heat only started three days sooner than he thought it was going to. Hopefully by next time, his cycle will be back on track and he’ll actually be able to plan shit. 

**To Doctor Munroe: Heat just started**

Nervous energy runs through Bucky’s veins as he waits for the doctor’s reply. Objectively, he knows that Steve has already agreed to this and most likely will be willing to plan around it. However, he can’t help but think about what he’ll do if for some reason Steve can’t make it. Emergencies happen all of the time. 

He almost drops the phone when it vibrates with a message. 

**From Doctor Munroe: Steve just replied. He should be there soon.**

He sighs with relief. And then he immediately feels aggravated with the doctors choice of words. _Soon_ has got to be one of the most subjective ways of saying what time someone will be there. In high school, when Bucky said soon, he meant somewhere in the next several hours. When Nat says she wants a report soon, she means she really meant to ask for it the day before and is just now remembering. 

And then there’s a knock on the door. 

Bucky’s already trembling with anticipation as he opens the door. Steve is standing there -same leather jacket, different shirt, in all of his god-like glory, an almost sinful smirk playing across his lips. “Do I have the right room?” 

Bucky looks down at the white plastic bag the alpha is carrying. “I’m not sure, I don’t remember ordering takeout.” 

Steve almost blushes. “I had already ordered, and it was on my way. I figured we could eat, if you were feeling up to it.” 

Bucky just raises an eyebrow. “Plus you were worried I wouldn’t have any food again.” 

Steve laughs. “I may have been slightly worried that you wouldn’t have any food in the house.” 

“We can eat it now, while it’s still hot. I think I can keep from jumping you for an hour or so.” 

Because Steve seemed to have ordered enough for at least six people, Bucky gets out paper plates again. “Do you want something to drink?” 

“Sure,” Steve replies from the table, where he’s setting out the different takeout boxes. “Whatever you’re having is fine.” 

Bucky grabs them each a soda, alcohol and heat do _not_ mix, Bucky learned that very early in life. “So? What are we having.” 

“There’s broccoli and beef, green pepper steak, and shrimp with snow peas. And then I got mixed vegetables, chicken fried rice, some dumplings, and a couple of egg rolls. They threw in some almond cakes for free.” 

“Probably because they had to close for the day because you ordered all of their food? How many people were you planning on feeding with this?” 

“Just me. I like having leftovers.” 

“I’d say.” They each start piling food onto their plates. Bucky can’t make up his mind, so he adds a little bit of everything on his plate; Steve seems to be doing the same. “What the fuck? Why are some of these dumplings green?”

Steve looks like he’s trying to contain his laughter. “They’re vegetable dumplings. Aren’t they always green?” 

“I don’t know what kind of weird chinese place you’ve been going to, but-” 

“They taste exactly the same.”

Bucky shakes his head. “I don’t trust green foods that aren’t vegetables. It’s weird.”

Steve sticks his fork into one of them and holds it out to Bucky. “Just try it.” 

“No.” At this point, Bucky realizes that he sounds like a child, but he’s too stubborn to admit that to someone else. 

“Bucky, you ate them last time,” That stops Bucky, “Trust me,” Steve’s sex voice is back, deep and smooth and soft. “I remember.” 

That voice, more than anything else, changes Bucky’s mind. He opens his mouth around the fork, painfully aware of Steve watching his every move. 

He feels oddly self-conscious as he finishes the dumpling in his mouth. He refuses to make eye contact with the alpha, not quite sure what Steve’s thinking right now. 

“So you’re right,” He admits, “It tastes the same.” 

“I told you.” Steve’s voice sounds odd, like he’s restraining himself. Bucky looks up to see the alpha’s lust-filled eyes. He’s obviously trying to get himself to focus on the food. Bucky, with his heat-enhanced sense of smell, can already tell that he’s turned on. The pheromones are coming off the alpha in waves. 

“You know,” Bucky starts. “We could cover the food-” 

Bucky doesn’t even finish his sentence before Steve is stacking up the take out containers, quickly getting everything back into the plastic bag. He finds room in the fridge without even having to rearrange anything -something Bucky is sure that he couldn’t have done himself- and within 2 minutes is pulling Bucky out of his seat. 

“A little eager, aren’t we?” Bucky laughs, but follows Steve, who seems to have remembered his way to the bedroom. 

Steve practically pushes him onto the bed, smiling as he looms over Bucky. He scents the omega. “Can you not smell yourself? You would be fucking eager too.” 

Steve takes his time slowly undressing both of them. It seems to be almost a game. Bucky loses a piece of clothing; Steve loses a piece of clothing. The alpha is liberal with his touches, never shy about feeling just about every place on Bucky’s body, memorizing the landscape of his chest and hips. The only places he seems to be actively avoiding are Bucky’s ass, dick, and mouth. Even without the stimulation, by the time the only clothing on both of them are briefs, Bucky’s dick is well on its way to be hard, and the slick is running freely down his thighs. Steve is just as turned on, although maybe not so messily. 

The alpha licks a trail up Bucky’s thighs, following the path the slick has made running down them. Bucky whines, wanting nothing more than for Steve to rid him of that last layer of cloth that lays between them. Steve, on the other hand, seems completely content where he’s at. He appears to genuinely enjoy the taste of Bucky’s slick on his tongue. Bucky’s not sure if he enjoys the actual taste, or if it’s just a weird possessive alpha thing, but regardless, seeing the attractive alpha eagerly licking at his thighs does more for Bucky than he thought it would. 

“Steve,” He begs. “More, please?” It comes out a question. There must be something in his voice that forces Steve to stop the teasing, because at once he pulls down Bucky’s briefs. He pulls Bucky’s legs over his shoulders, and starts lapping directly at his entrance while simultaneously wriggling out of his own underwear. 

Bucky, still able to think semi-rational thoughts, grabs one of the condoms he left on the nightstand and hands one to the alpha, who barely stops for an appreciative smile before he continues. 

Bucky is hazily aware of the sounds Steve makes as he opens up the condom and puts it on. Mostly, Bucky is focused on the feeling of the tongue touching him in all of the right places. He’s about to comment that _it sounds like the neighbors are at it too_ when he realizes that the desperate moans are actually coming from him. If he wasn’t so close to coming, he would laugh at the absurdity. 

When he comes it’s quick and intense and without warning. “Shit, Steve!” It takes him all of two seconds to get back in the game, whining for Steve’s knot. “Fuck me, now.” 

Steve doesn’t even try to argue. Bucky moves his legs from above Steve’s shoulders to around his waist. 

“Shit wait!” Steve nearly gives Bucky a heart attack. 

“What?” Bucky knows he sounds pissed, but he honestly doesn’t care at this point. 

“Do you want to be on top? Or me?” 

“Fuck, Steve! It doesn’t matter, just fuck me.” And because Steve look a little bit like a kicked puppy. “You on top.” 

Steve doesn’t waste any time, pushing in slowly without any more warning. It doesn’t hurt at all, just slowly slides in as Bucky’s body adjusts almost instantly, definitely one of the more pleasant things about heat. 

Steve thrusts relentlessly into Bucky, holding on to the omega’s body and controlling exactly the angle at which he enters. Bucky closes his eyes and focuses on just the feeling of his body opening up for Steve. 

Bucky can feel himself about to tense up as Steve continues to push in and out of Bucky. “Steve, ‘m so close.” He mumbles, not sure if the alpha is able to actually hear him. 

Steve’s knot is growing bigger by the second, and just as Bucky finally comes, Steve does too, both of them crying out at the exact same time. 

“Shit, Bucky.” Steve is practically heaving as he lays himself down across Bucky’s chest. If they’re going to be effectively locked together for the next half hour, they should get comfortable. “Did I hurt you? I felt like that was kind of fast.” 

Bucky wants to laugh at how worried Steve sounds, but he stops himself. No need to freak out an alpha whose knot is currently trapped inside him. “Nah, you’re fine. I wanted it just as much as you did.” 

Steve just hums in response. Bucky can almost feel the alpha’s body begin to relax on top of him. His breathing is beginning to slow down. “Bucky,” He mumbles. “I think I’m going to sleep for just a bit. Wake me up whenever.” 

And without another word, Steve is asleep.


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some heat!fluff to celebrate your monday evening/Tuesday morning! I barely read this carefully enough to make sure I had italics in the right place, so feel free to comment any typos you see. I'm always happy when someone catches an error.

When Bucky wakes up, the sun is just starting to come up. He can feel the ache of heat just beginning to flare up again. His arm is tingling, probably because Steve is still asleep on top of him. 

“Steve?” 

Steve wrinkles his nose and slowly opens his eyes. “Shit,” In an instant, the alpha is totally awake. “I didn’t mean to sleep that long. Are you okay?” 

“Yeah. I slept too. I guess my body decided being trapped by you was close enough to fucking.” Steve rolls off of Bucky, looking apologetic. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way. I’m glad we both got some sleep. We’ll need the energy.” 

“Oh, will we?” Steve raises an eyebrow. “What exactly are we going to need that energy for?” 

“I was thinking we could clean my apartment. I don’t _remember_ the last time I cleaned out the shower…” 

“Oh, yes, baby. Talk dirty to me.” 

“Do you know how to do taxes? Because I have no idea. You could show me how to do taxes?” 

“Kinky.” Steve says it with such a straight face that Bucky can’t hold in his laughter anymore. “Did you just hear yourself? Because that was a _giggle_. I didn’t know adults could even make that sound.” 

“Fuck off.” 

“Oh, no. Don’t try to get tough with me now. I just heard you freaking giggle, I can never take you seriously again, ever. Sorry.” 

“Steve.” Bucky whines. “Stop it.” 

“Okay, fine. I can pretend to take you seriously. But that’s all I’m promising.” 

“God, you’re such an alpha.” 

Steve’s expression all of the sudden gets very serious. “I don’t remember you complaining about that earlier.” 

Steve’s scent begins to roll off of him in waves, an almost overwhelming amount. Bucky can smell the _need_ and the _want_ like they’re tangible things that need to be taken care of. It’s nice, having someone want him like this, not having to initiate things. Even if it’s only during heat, for the first time in a very long time, Bucky feels attractive. 

Bucky decides to play with Steve a little bit. “I don’t know if I remember much of what happened earlier. Gonna remind me?” 

Steve growls -god, does Bucky love that growl- and climbs on top of him. The alpha stops smirking for just a second. “You want to be on top or bottom this time?” 

“Bottom.” Bucky doesn’t even have to think about it this time. He needs Steve on top of him and in him as fast as humanly possible. Something about Bucky’s scent must have been turning Steve on for quite a while, because his knot is halfway to popping and neither one of them have touched it yet. Bucky has to keep from moaning at the site of it. He can feel himself beginning to expand in anticipation. Bucky turns himself around, pushing his ass up into the air. 

Steve’s groan is practically enough to make Bucky come, then and there. The alpha starts _playing_ with Bucky, rubbing his hands up and down Bucky’s body, touching him everything except what Bucky wants him to. He’s not sure if it’s the heat or Steve, but the alpha’s hands feel like fire is running up and down his body. Bucky can feel himself tensing up without even a hand near his dick or ass. 

“Steve,” Bucky whines. “I need you.” 

Steve amps up his motions, moving fast and touching more, but he still avoids certain areas. It’s almost as if he’s playing a game. Bucky doesn’t have too much time to think about it, because then Steve bites down on what is -apparently- a sensitive part of Bucky’s thigh. 

Seconds later, when Bucky has come down from his momentary high, he just wants Steve to fuck him. He starts exaggerating his every move and sound, deciding that if Steve’s going to torture Bucky, Steve should have a hard time of it as well. 

Finally, Steve seems to get the idea. “Give me like two seconds.” He reaches towards the nightstand.

“God, Steve.” Bucky’s so turned on, he’s having trouble stringing words together. “Next time, condom before foreplay.” 

“Whatever you say, Bucky.” 

“Well then fuck me, asshole.” 

“Now, now,” Steve swats Bucky lightly on the ass. “That’s not a very good way to get what you want, now is it?”

“Steve!” Bucky’s voice is high-pitched and whiny, but at this point he doesn’t care. 

“Look at you,” Steve sounds smug. “All turned on and begging for it.” He begins to toy with Bucky, rubbing himself just over Bucky’s entrance, never actually going in. “Bet nobody else knows just how desperate you are for my knot.” Slowly, so slowly, Steve begins to push into Bucky. 

Bucky whines again. “Please, shit Stevie, fuck me.” 

“That’s the plan, sweetheart.” Steve wastes no more time before pushing into Bucky.

When they are both finished, Bucky is trapped underneath the alpha once again. Steve is heavy, but it’s a nice weight. It makes Bucky feel a security that he’s been missing for a long time. He knows that he’s probably all sweaty and disgusting, but Steve has to be just as bad, so he really doesn’t feel bad. Bucky knows he should probably try to sleep, there’s no telling when the next time they’ll be able to get truly restful sleep, but he’s honestly not tired. 

Steve seems to be having the same problem. Bucky hums in contentment as the alpha slowly begins to card his fingers through his hair. People playing with his hair have always kind of been Bucky’s _thing_ ; it’s one of the reasons he decided to grow it out in the first place. 

“You like this? When I play with your hair?” Bucky makes what he hopes in an affirmative-sounding noise. “I’ll keep that in mind.” 

They lay there for what feels like hours, Steve silent as he runs his fingers through Bucky’s hair. Bucky decides this is a hundred times better than sleeping. If he could do this for the rest of his life, he probably would. 

He has always enjoyed when his heats are like this. It mostly just feels like a light buzz. Like he’s had one too many drinks and is slightly horny. Even better when the most attractive alpha in the city is lying on top of him, playing with his hair. 

His mind doesn’t even feel fuzzy, which is always something to be appreciated. 

“Steve?” He knows the alpha’s still awake, due to the hair-playing. 

“Yeah, Bucky?”

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

Steve laughs. “Bucky, I’m pretty sure this is the most personal position you can be in with a person. Ask away.” 

“Could you explain to me why you’re single? You’re young, and super fucking attractive. You have a job, and you seem to shower on a regular basis. And did I mention your arms? Because I feel like your arms deserve a mention.” 

“Bucky, I could ask you all of the same question. Though, I would probably mention your ass.” He then pokes at said body part. “Yes, definitely your ass.” 

“That’s different.”

“Oh really? How?” 

“I-” Bucky stops, not sure how the best way to explain this would be. “I _was_ in a relationship. I very committed one. We weren’t bonded or anything, but I thought we would be eventually. And then. Well, some things happened. And I’m just not ready for a relationship.” 

That’s not something Bucky has put into words before, and though he knows there’s so much more to the story than what he’s said, it’s a weight off of his shoulders, explaining to someone why he’s not looking for a partner. It’s not even an explanation that he’s given Nat or Clint, and they’ve been friends for years now. 

Steve has been silent, and Bucky wishes that he could see the other man’s face. It’s hard to gauge someone’s reaction when you can’t see them. “What about you? Have you got a reason for being single?” He hopes he managed to keep his tone light enough. There’s no reason to get more serious than absolutely necessary. 

“My friends tell me I’m picky. A couple of years ago, I was always dating someone, just never the _same_ someone, you know? I would break up with these people, if you can calling it breaking up after just a couple of dates, and they’d always want some sort of an explanation, but I just didn’t have one. After a couple years, I just kind of gave up on the whole dating thing, I guess.” 

Bucky’s not sure why, but he wants to yell at Steve. _What the fuck, man. You just can’t give up on finding someone that will make you happy, if that’s what you need to be happy._ But then he thinks about his own life, and the decisions that he’s made, and he decides to keep quiet. He doesn’t exactly have room to talk. 

They don’t talk after that. Steve still plays with Bucky’s hair, and Bucky listens to the soft sounds of Steve’s breathing. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky wakes up to a cold bed. He’s not sure how long he’s been asleep, but he knows that he had stayed up for entirely too long _before_ sleeping. He’s lost count of how many times Steve has pinned him against the mattress since arriving in his apartment. 

He’s decided that this is going to be one of those heats where everything remains manageable. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on his part. He can feel it even now, a dull ache that he knows would go away if an alpha was inside of him. 

Speaking of alphas. “Steve?” 

“In the kitchen!” 

Thank god. Bucky’s heat may be manageable, but it’s still not something he wants to deal with without an alpha around. Steve doesn’t seem like the type of alpha to just leave him in the middle, but for a second he had been genuinely worried. 

He finds the alpha standing shirtless in front of his stove, a sheepish grin on his face. “I thought some food might be a good idea? It’s just scrambled eggs. It’s one of the things I can usually make-” 

“Hey, you’re just making sure we don’t starve.” Bucky feels drawn to the alpha, but stops himself. The whole thing feels a little domestic, and he doesn’t want to make Steve uncomfortable. “Being a good alpha and all that.” 

Steve blushes at that, and Bucky sees hearts for just a few seconds. 

The eggs are good. Bucky tells Steve that, mostly for the blush that he knew it would produce. Bucky can’t help but notice the almost predatory way Steve watches Bucky as he eats. Bucky knows that feeding omegas is a _thing_ that most alphas enjoy an almost creepy amount. That doesn’t mean that it’s not always a little unsettling to watch it in action. 

Bucky forces Steve to leave the dishes for later. He refuses, on principle, to do chores during heat. There are very few up-sides to the whole process, and that is one he’s not willing to give up. 

“So I was thinking, while this is all pretty relaxed, that a shower might be a good idea.” 

Steve’s face falls an almost imperceptible amount. “Sure, you’re probably right. Just let me know when-” 

“Steve. I’m not the only one here who could probably use a shower.” Steve, dumb ass that he is, doesn’t seem to get what Steve is saying. “I was thinking that we could _both_ take a shower. You know, together.” He watches understanding dawn across Steve’s face. “To conserve water, obviously.” 

“Obviously.” Steve is smiling again. 

Bucky practically runs to the shower, Steve hot on his heels. He hurries through undressing. There’s no reason to be shy with Steve, they’ve probably been naked together more than they’ve been clothed. 

The shower is hot by the time they get in. They’re both barely able to fit under the hot spray. Maybe Bucky hadn’t completely thought this through. 

“So, do you want to fuck? Or clean?” Steve takes the words right out of Bucky’s mouth.

“Both…”

Steve rolls his eyes. “Well, yeah. I meant the order.” 

Bucky thinks for a second. “If we fucked after, wouldn’t we just need to clean ourselves again?”

Steve slowly pushes Bucky against the shower walls. “Exactly what I was thinking.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“We might not have thought this one through all that well.” The water is continuing to pour over both of them. 

Steve laughs, awkwardly shaking both of their bodies in the process. “At least I remembered a condom.” 

“That’s true. But your knot lasts for fucking ever. We’re going to run out of hot water.” 

“I guess we’re going to have to clean _before_ that then, huh?” 

“Fuck you, Steve.” 

“I think that would be difficult in our current-”

“Hand me the freaking soap.”


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watched the presidential debate... so for anyone that watched it, here's something that will (hopefully) make you feel better

When Bucky thinks over the last couple of days, he feels… happy. Not the momentary happiness that comes when Clint does something stupid and Natasha points it out, but the long term happiness that he hasn’t felt in years. Steve left an hour ago, pausing on his way out to ask if this thing might be semi-regular. 

Bucky hadn’t even blushed -that much- as he told Steve that he was okay with their arrangement as long as Steve was. Steve had smiled at that. Which, Bucky _definitely_ did not freak out about. Nope. 

He’s acting like an omega right now, he knows that. It’s just- It’s just nice to finally feel like he has something in his life that exists just to make Bucky feel good. He loves Natasha, and he’s so glad that she found someone as awesome as Clint to fall in love with. But, he knows that their priority will never be -and honestly, shouldn’t ever be- him. 

Steve might not be a long term thing. Maybe soon he’ll have enough money to go back on suppressants, Natasha has been talking about the fact that he might be able to get a raise soon. 

But does he want to go on suppressants? That is honestly up in the air at this point. 

He feels better off of them. Not just the sex, though that is great, but the rest of his body. He’s finally starting to feel like himself again. The doctor had told him before he started the suppressants that they had been known to do some weird things to hormones. It might be better to just stay off of them. 

Eventually, Bucky might have to go through a heat alone, but he’s done it before. He can do it again. 

Maybe one day he’ll even be ready to date again. He has to keep telling himself that, at least. That one day he’ll be able to come home to an apartment that isn’t empty. That he’ll have someone to watch movies with and complain about shitty tv. That he’ll have someone to rub his feet when they hurt and play with his hair when he’s tired. 

Maybe Steve- 

Nope. Bucky cuts off that thought before it even starts. If he wants to keep this arrangement for a while longer, he’s going to have to learn to cut off the feelings he could have for Steve before they go anywhere. The last thing he wants is for this to be more complicated than it needs to be. Steve doesn’t deserve a needy omega pining for him. Steve signed up to help an omega through their heat. That’s all he needs to do. His part of the bargain is filled. Now Bucky needs to keep his end. No feelings. He had promised himself that before any of this started. 

Steve isn’t _that_ great anyway. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nat has found a new coffee shop that she likes. None of the chairs match, there’s local artwork hanging for sale on the walls, and the lighting looks like it’s straight out of Edison and Tesla’s workroom. Personally, Bucky finds it kind of pretentious. 

The upsides are that it’s only two blocks from their office, and the coffee is fantastic. So Bucky might ease up on his bias and come back. 

“So,” Nat starts, “have you and your fuck-alpha done anything but fuck yet?” 

The question takes him by surprise. “No, why?”

“I don’t know, you’re giving off sort of an ‘in a committed relationship’ vibe for some reason.” 

“Nat, that doesn’t even sound real.” 

“You just smiled at the teenagers practically making out on the couch. Something is different.”

“Can’t I just be in a good mood?”

“I’ve never seen you _not_ complain about pda. Since I’ve known you. I believe that you _could_ be in a good mood, but unless you’ve been swapped for an alien trying to assimilate, I don’t believe that you could be happy about all the hand holding that is going on in this room.” 

“Don’t be such a pessimist, Nat. I’m in a good mood. Cherish it while it lasts.” 

“So you’re definitely not in a relationship?”

“Definitely. Trust me, you would be the first to know if I somehow magically pulled a boyfriend out of a hat or something.” 

“Ok, well if that’s the case, you won’t mind if I head to the restroom for a few seconds and let this alpha that’s been making heart eyes at you for the last fifteen minutes have a chance to talk to you.” 

“Natasha, wait-” But the redheaded alpha is already gone, hips swaying as she practically runs from their table. She’s taken her coffee with her, and now is slowly pretending to peruse the different paintings on her way to the bathroom. 

“Bucky?” A familiar voice stops Bucky from getting up and following her, bathroom signs be damned. 

“Steve?” This is the last person he had expected to run into, though they don’t live all that far apart. 

“How’s it going, Bucky?” 

“Pretty good, I think. You?”

“The same.” Steve smiles. “I’ve never seen you in here before.” Bucky almost feels like Steve’s accusing him, but the alpha’s tone just comes off as curious, as though he really is just excited to see Bucky out of the context of Bucky’s heat. 

“Oh, this is the first time I’ve been here. Do you come here a lot?”

“Yeah, I used to work here, actually. The bodyguard thing pays better, but they still let me sell my stuff here.”

“The art, it’s yours?”

Steve blushes. Bucky can’t get enough of the alpha’s blush. “Not all of it, but probably about a quarter of it. They don’t sell all that often, to be honest, but I still enjoy having them seen by people.” Bucky nods in agreement. “But what are you doing here?”

“Oh, I’m with Nat-” 

“The alpha?” Steve is practically bristling. His knuckles are half-clenched and Bucky can see the way his shoulders are tensed up. 

Bucky’s not quite sure why he’s getting so territorial all of the sudden. “Yeah, she is. How could you tell?”

“You kind of reek of her.” Steve sounds like he’s trying -and failing miserably- to keep his tone light. 

“She’s my boss. We spend a lot of time together. And honestly, it’s not any of your business, is it?” Bucky’s tone may come off a bit more scathing than he originally intended, but he’s not in the mood to deal with asshole alphas today. 

Realization flashes across Steve’s face immediately. “I’m sorry, Bucky. It’s really not my place. It- I- I’m not into alphas, but she really is gorgeous, I completely-”

“She has a mate, and is practically my sister. The most I’ve ever done with Nat is flirt with her at some work parties, just to mess with the rumor mill.” 

Steve, though he looks relieved, still seems to feel guilty. “I still shouldn’t have-”

“Don’t worry about it. Everybody is allowed to let their instincts take over occasionally. Hell, you’ve seen mine take over twice now, I think I can allow you one tiny slip up.” 

“Thank you, Bucky.” Steve looks nervous all of the sudden. “There was something I wanted to talk to you about though…” 

_Oh shit,_ Bucky _thinks this is where he decides to end it. I’m going to have to find a completely new alpha to help with my heats. The next one will probably be a total creep, and not even half as attractive. Shit, what am I going to-_

“Bucky?” 

He hadn’t even realized that he had zoned out for a second. “Oh, sorry about that. I guess I’m a little tired. I haven’t been getting as much sleep as I probably should be.” 

Steve still looks nervous, and it’s putting Bucky on edge. “No problem. I was just thinking the other day. If we’re going to continue this... arrangement that we have, it doesn’t really make sense for us to keep using the clinic as a moderator, does it? I mean, if that’s what it takes to keep you comfortable, no big deal. It’s not a _hardship_ , really, I just thought it might be easier if maybe-” 

“Steve, is this rambling supposed to be you asking to exchange numbers?”

Steve, who has finally stopped talking, looks relieved. “That’s exactly what I was thinking, actually. I was going to ask before I left the last time, but then we got…” _God damn_ does Bucky love Steve’s blush. “...sidetracked, and I completely forgot about it.”

“Oh?” Bucky fake remembers. “You mean sidetracked that time I asked you to-” 

“Yes.” Steve nods. “That’s what I mean.” 

“It would be easier to just text you. And faster too. I always appreciate fast, but especially during heat.” 

Steve holds out his phone. “Do you want to put my number in then?” 

Bucky nods and hands Steve his phone. He debates for just a second what to put his name as in Steve’s phone. He knows that he could just put ‘Bucky’ but where is the fun in that? He finally goes with **Best ass in NYC (aka Bucky)**

Smiling, he hands his phone back to Steve. Steve takes a little longer, apparently thinking about his name even longer than Bucky, which is impressive after Bucky’s lengthy internal debate. 

Before Bucky even looks at his phone, Steve’s talking again. “Don’t hesitate to call, even if it has nothing to do with… you know. Any time.” 

“Sure, Steve, whatever you-” But the alpha has gone. Unless he can secretly teleport places, he must have practically sprinted out of the building. 

Bucky looks down at this phone, curious as to what Steve had to think so hard about.

His jaw drops. 

Sitting just above Natasha’s name in his contacts -because he sorts his contacts by last name, like a civilized human being, and not just because Clint changed it one day and now he can’t figure out how to change it back, thank you very much- is **Steve Rogers ;)**. 

_Fuck._

When Natasha comes back, she asks about the ‘hot alpha who was making sex eyes at you.’ She gives up after five minutes, because he refuses to say a word about it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky is impressed with his will power, because he doesn’t immediately check all social media for **Steve Rogers ;)** as soon as he gets home.

Of course, most people wouldn’t consider waiting fifteen minutes before getting out his laptop that impressive of a feat. Those people probably also have no idea what **Steve Rogers ;)** looks like. So he’s not really interested in their opinions of his will power. 

Typing Steve Rogers, damn someone so hot having such a generic name, he gets about a million results. He tries Steve Rogers brooklyn, and that narrows down the results quite a bit, but he still have to scroll for what seems like ages before finally finding a picture that looks like **Steve Rogers ;)**. He should probably stop adding the winky face after the name in his head, but he can’t help it. 

He finds a facebook page -apparently people still use facebook?- and immediately stops scrolling. It seems like he has a friend he tags in posts a lot. Sam Wilson. Most of these posts seem to be making fun of Sam for the way he exercises? Sam seems to be the only person he really interacts with. Everything else just seems to be pictures he finds funny or recipes -most of them disgustingly healthy looking- that he comments “YUMMMMMM” or “for when I finally stop surviving off of takeout.” 

Bucky knows that he shouldn’t be creeping this guy’s social media. He’s already starting to feel a little bit guilty. 

What’s worse, though, is the fact that guilt is definitely _not_ the only feeling he is currently feeling. Getting a crush on his fuck buddy has got to the most cliche thing Bucky has ever done in his life. He already knows that it can’t go anywhere. Steve deserves perfection. Someone who will be able to give him everything that he deserves. Bucky knows that he is lots of things. But one thing he is most definitely _not_ is perfect.


	10. Nine point five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So someone commented about being excited about their cute text conversations. And I didn't have any planned out, but loved the idea! So I decided to add a short little almost-chapter with just their text convos. Feel free to comment any conversations YOU think they would have, maybe I'll add some more!

**From Steve Rogers;): There’s no food in my apartment. I feel like you ;)**

**To Steve Rogers;): At least I can blame mine on hormones. U have no excuse :P**

**From Steve Rogers;): Rude. Alphas have LOTS of hormones.**

**To Steve Rogers;): Oh trust me. I kno**  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**From Steve Rogers;): How long should I let my friend flirt before I tell him he has food stuck in his teeth?**

**To Steve Rogers;): Depends… actual friend or ‘friend’**

**From Steve Rogers;): Probably my best friend?**

**To Steve Rogers;): Wait til he has the other person’s # itll make a gr8 story to tell their kids**

**From Steve Rogers;): “Yes, son. I knew your father was the one when I saw the spinach lodged between his teeth.”**

**To Steve Rogers;): Not quite so romantic when u put it like that :(**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**From Steve Rogers;): Gah, I think you may have ruined porn for me.**

**To Steve Rogers;): Sorry? I think?**

**From Steve Rogers;): You should be. I haven’t been able to get off in DAYS. None of the people online are as hot as you. I snapped at a coworker yesterday for taking too long of a break to PEE**

**To Steve Rogers;): Maybe u just need to take anger management classes**

**From Steve Rogers;): Fuck off**

**From Steve Rogers;): Wow, sorry for being a dick. I really don’t do well with the whole not getting off thing. I haven’t gone this long since like junior high**

**From Steve Rogers;): I promise I’m not a sex addict**

**From Steve Rogers;): I could stop having sex any time I want**

**From Steve Rogers;): I just don’t want to**

**From Steve Rogers;): Wow that doesn’t sound any better**

**From Steve Rogers;): I promise I’m at least partially kidding**

**From Steve Rogers;): Except about other people not being as hot as you. That part is 100% true.**

**From Steve Rogers;): Am I coming on a little strong? Sorry**

**To Steve Rogers;): lol I couldn’t type. I was laughing too hard**

**From Steve Rogers;): Fuck you man, I was really sweating there for a while**

**To Steve Rogers;): Dude i know. That was the best part**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**To Steve Rogers;): So im not sayin im dtf… but… (dtf?)**

**From Steve Rogers;): Man, it’s 1 in the morning where are you?**

**To Steve Rogers;): anywhere u want me to be babe**

**From Steve Rogers;): Buck, have you been drinking? :P**

**To Steve Rogers;): maybe a little**

**From Steve Rogers;): You’re not driving right?**

**To Steve Rogers;): Nat just dropped me off. Culd use a ride tho if ya no wat i mean ;)**

**From Steve Rogers;): Babe. I’m not taking advantage of you when you’re drunk.**

**To Steve Rogers;): snot taking advantage if i wan it**

**From Steve Rogers;): Try texting me sober, ok? (Besides I’m working late tonight anyway)**

**To Steve Rogers;): ill wait up for u**

**From Steve Rogers;): Buck, go to bed. Drink some water first**

**To Steve Rogers;): not the kind of bossy i wanted bro**

**From Steve Rogers;): Sorry Buck. Maybe next time**

**To Steve Rogers;): :( :( :( :(**

**From Steve Rogers;): <3 <3 <3 **


	11. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I've been applying for colleges and it is v stressful. I really enjoy this chapter, hope you do too!

It’s been months since the two of them officially bonded, and Bucky’s starting to think that the couple’s honeymoon stage might just be permanent. Clint can't _not_ touch Natasha. It’s like she’s a magnet. One of the super powerful ones that can hold like twenty pieces of paper. 

“So,” Bucky starts, “The last time you guys stopped your marathon of sex to invite me here, you told me that you decided to bond. What kind of grand revelation are we making this time?” 

“James,” Nat fake smiles. “We can invite you here for other reasons than announcements. Sometimes we just want to-”

“I love you, Nat. I really do, but cut the bullshit. The two of you have been having a silent conversation of when the best time to tell me _whatever_ is since I walked through the door.” 

“Fine.” Natasha is practically pouting. “But I’m going to get us something to drink first.” 

Clint mostly avoids eye contact with Bucky while she’s gone. He looks a little lost without the alpha in here, which is unusual in itself. Bucky knows Clint must be nervous about something, because usually he never shuts up, no matter who’s in the room. 

When the alpha returns, she has three glasses and an entire bottle of wine. She fills each of the cups just shy of the brim before passing them out. 

“Fancy wine, in an actual glass and everything. What are we celebrating?” Bucky takes a sip. 

“Well,” Natasha looks at Clint as if she’s gathering strength. “Clint and I can’t have kids” 

“Okay?” Bucky’s more than a little worried. Not exactly a turn in conversation that he had been expecting. “This doesn’t seem like something to celebrate…” 

“Don’t feel bad or anything.” Natasha interrupts. “It’s something that I’ve known about myself for a long time. It’s just part of my biology, it happens to a large percentage of female alphas. It’s not the most convenient thing in the world, but I’ve accepted it. And I explained it to Clint before we even started officially dating.”

“So… what is this about?” 

Clint seems to be less nervous now, as though he had somehow convinced himself that Bucky would judge Natasha for not being able to naturally have children. The other omega actually starts smiling like a kid on Christmas morning at Bucky’s question. “We've decided that we're going to try to adopt.” 

“Wait. Really?” Bucky is so surprised that he doesn't even think to hold the shock back. “When did you decide?” 

“We've mentioned is casually since we first started dating, that if we decided we wanted kids that we would have to adopt. We started actually looking into the process about a year ago, because we both understand how long the process can be. We considered fostering first, with the hopes of adopting eventually, but-” 

“But I know how awful it is to get torn away from someone who actually gives a fuck about you and I don’t want to go through that from the other side of things, thank you very much.” Clint finishes for Nat. Bucky hasn’t ever heard Clint talk about his childhood before, but just from the expression on his face, he knows that it hadn’t been an easy time. 

Nat looks at her mate with an expression that makes Bucky either want to throw up or cry; he’s pretty evenly torn. “So, how long do you think it might be?” 

“Well, the fuckers-” _There’s_ the Clint that Bucky knows. “Just came and poked at every sharp corner in the entire apartment-”

Nat stops him. “But they declared our home fit for a child in the end, so it’s all fine.” She takes Clint’s hand into hers as she looks at Bucky. “We’ve got all of the paperwork in. Now we’re just waiting for a call that says a kid might be available.” 

“So… is it going to be a baby?”

Nat shakes her head. “Probably not. There’s a lot longer average wait time. We both agreed that a baby would be great, but it’s not something we _need_ , you know? We requested a kid under the age of ten, but even that is not something we’re unwilling to budge on.” 

“If we had more space,” Clint interjects again. “We totally would just adopt a whole zoo full of teenagers, but the interviewer lady gave me a weird look when I said that, so I kind of gave up on that one.” 

Bucky’s not quite sure what to say to them. It’s great, that they’re both ready to start a family and have a real life. But part of him is… 

He just doesn’t know how to react. 

Both of them are looking at him with concerned expressions. Natasha, especially, looks as if she understands. “I know that it’s going to take you a while to wrap your head around. It still sounds weird to me, that in the next couple of months someone could drop a two year old into our laps, but we wanted to talk to you about more than just us adopting.” 

Bucky raises an eyebrow, but Nat just smiles at Clint. 

Bucky’s never seen such sincere excitement on Clint’s face. Ever. “We want you to be the kid's godfather. Not in the religious way, we all know that you would be shit at that anyway, but as in the ‘if something terrible happens and our kid is in danger of going back to foster care’ kind of way. Would you-” Clint stops. “Nat?” He whispers. “Are those good tears, or-”

Said tears are still streaming down Bucky’s face. “Good tears.” He nods. “Definitely good tears. Yes, you guys. Of course. I just. I need to. I need to take a walk. I need to process everything. I just- I’m going to go home, I’m so happy for both of you, and I’m so honored that you asked, and of course my answer is yes, but-” 

“We understand, James. Go home.” 

Bucky bawls the entire way home. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

In spite of himself, Bucky is finding that he's actually starting to look forward to his next heat. It’s amazing what regular sex can do for Bucky’s disposition. 

Of course, most people probably wouldn't consider a week of sex every three months ‘regular’ sex, but it's the most consistent -and the only- sex Bucky’s had for two and a half years. It's nice, having sex again. And it doesn’t hurt that the other person is one of the most attractive people he’s ever seen.

Speaking of, he should probably text Steve. His heat should start some time in the next week, and it's probably a good idea to give the alpha some sort of warning. 

He should also probably stop thinking about sex in the middle of the grocery store. He's starting to get some weird looks from an alpha on the other end of the aisle. Starting to get a little uncomfortable, he grabs the closest of the different loaves of bread he was looking at and hurries away. 

He’s handing the cashier his money when he notices the same alpha, standing right behind him in line. The alpha, a large bald man, is standing just a little too close for comfort. Bucky can just about smell the-

_Fuck._

He grabs his bag of groceries and practically runs to the nearest bathroom. He locks the door directly behind him, and immediately hears knocking on the door. 

“C’mon, Sweetcheeks. Unlock the door. I can smell how much you want me. Need a strong alpha to fill that hole between your legs. I know you’re just aching for it.” 

The alpha keeps up his mantra of horrifying taunts. Bucky has no idea what to do. He could call Natasha, but Clint’s heat is a day or two from ending. Depending on what his cycle is like, he might flip out. Hell, he could hurt himself at the idea of his alpha leaving to go help a different omega. 

_Shit, shit, shit._

He gets out his phone and starts flipping through the contacts. 

**Steve Rogers ;)**

_No_ , Bucky tells himself. _There has to be another option. A better option._

For a second he considers calling the police, but with his luck they wouldn’t show up before the bonehead alpha banging on the door figures out how to pick a fucking lock. 

Before he thinks about anything else, he hits Steve’s name with his finger. The dial tone starts, and Bucky has an intense panic attack that lasts for about three rings. 

“Bucky?” Just the sound of Steve’s voice is enough to calm him at first, though his calm quickly falls apart as soon as he hears another knock on the door. 

“Steve?” Bucky doesn’t recognize his own voice. It’s quiet. He sounds scared. “Steve, I need help?”

“Are you okay? What’s going on, Bucky?” 

He can still hear the guy outside. “I can smell you through the walls, Sweetcheeks. I know you want it, I can give you-” 

“Steve.” Right now, Bucky’s doing everything he can to stop himself from hyperventilating. “Steve, I need you. I don’t know what to do?”

“Bucky take a deep breath. Can you breath with me?” He nods before realizing that Steve can’t actually see him. They both take a couple of deep breaths. “Now, I need you to tell me what’s going on and where you’re at, can you do that?”

“My heat started. I didn’t think it was going to but it did. I’m so stupid. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.” 

“I’m already out of my apartment, babe. You just need to tell me where I’m going.” 

Bucky gives him the street numbers and the name of the store. “Steve, I’m in a bathroom.” 

“That’s good.” Steve’s breaths are coming out in huffs, like he’s running. “A bathroom is probably the best place for you to wait. I’m going to be there real soon, okay Buck?” 

“Don’t hang up, Steve. Please?” 

“I’m not going to hang up. I promise.” 

“I’m so scared, Steve. I’m so scared.” 

“You’re safe, Bucky. You’re in a bathroom. You’ve got the door locked, right?”

“He’s banging on it though. I’m so scared.”

“Who?” Bucky can hear the growl in Steve’s voice. Rather than make him more uncomfortable, the growl comforts him. Steve is going to come to him. Steve’s not going to let the other alpha touch him. “Bucky. Who. Is banging. On the door?” 

“I don’t know. An alpha. He saw me in the store. I think he noticed my smell before I even realized what was happening. Steve, I’m so stupid. I shouldn’t have. I just. I needed bread. I didn’t think. Please come.” 

“It’s not your fault, Bucky. I promise. You’re gonna be just fine.” 

Bucky doesn’t say anything for a few seconds, but just listening to Steve’s heavy breathing on the other end of the line helps to calm him down. “Steve?”

“Yes?”

“He keeps saying things. Awful things.” 

“Would it help if I told you how I’m going to beat the shit out of this guy?” 

It does help. Bucky feels a lot better, actually. But only for a few seconds. “Steve, I don’t want you to get in trouble. It’s my-” 

“Not. It is not your fucking fault, Bucky. You should be able to leave the house without being assaulted.” That helps too, Steve’s anger, though Bucky knows it shouldn’t. At this point, he doesn’t care. He just wants Steve here, holding him. 

“Are you almost here?” Bucky’s not sure how much longer he can do this.

“I’m so close, Bucky. So close. Do you think you could hang up now? I think I see the fucker.” 

“Don’t get hurt, Steve.” 

“Oh, babe,” Steve’s laugh is cold and high, and honestly should probably scare Bucky at least a little bit. It doesn’t. “I am definitely not the one you should be worried about.” 

Bucky hangs up and tries to listen to what’s happening on the other side of the door. The taunts have stopped. Now all he hears are muffled voices; he can’t make out what they’re saying. 

He hears a resounding _thwak_ and the sound of something cracking. And then another knock on the door. Not hard and heavy like the other alpha’s had been. These are gentle and unsure. “Bucky?” Bucky has always enjoyed Steve’s voice, but never has he enjoyed it more than now. “Do you feel comfortable unlocking the door, if not I can-” 

Steve doesn’t even have time to finish. Bucky is up, pulling the door open, and dragging Steve into the bathroom.


	12. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took longer than normal, but I'm doing some MAJOR re-writes for future chapters, so updates may continue to be slightly slower. (I kind of wrote myself into a corner, but hey, that's why I don't post these directly after I write them!) 
> 
> Also: Sorry, no bathroom sex this chapter, :( [Never say never though, right?]
> 
> P.S. Some things in this chapter COULD be considered non-con, in that neither one of the members really knows what they're doing.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. I don’t know what I was going to do.” Bucky’s not sure who initiated it, but Steve is crushing him underneath his massive fucking arms. Bucky’s never felt so safe in his life.

 

“Bucky?” Steve’s voice is thick and almost sounds emotional. “We need to get you out of here. My apartment is closer, but we can go to yours if you would-” 

 

“Yours.” 

 

“Okay.” Bucky thinks he can feel Steve smiling. “We need to hurry though, before that asshole comes to.” 

 

Steve takes off his leather jacket and throws it around Bucky’s shoulders, and just in case anybody didn’t _quite_ get the message, he keeps his actual arm wrapped around Bucky as well. Bucky rests his head against the alpha’s chest, and he’s pretty sure that Steve is glaring at anyone who so much as looks at them. Bucky’s the last one who is going to complain about that. It’s a nice feeling.

 

Steve’s apartment has a working elevator, so that’s a pleasant surprise. The alpha doesn’t let go of Bucky even to unlock his apartment. When they enter, Bucky doesn’t even have time to look around. Steve immediately pushes him onto the couch. 

 

The alpha’s breathing is still heavy, and Bucky is matching him breath for breath. “This is supposed to be about taking care of you. I know that. I just. I need this. Is that okay?” His voice is stilted, like it’s taking more effort than normal to speak.

 

“Sure, Steve. Whatever you want.” Bucky’s head feels cloudy, everything feels dream-like and fuzzy. They’re both laying on the couch now, Steve’s body almost completely enveloping Bucky’s. 

 

He can feel the beating of Steve’s heart, still pounding just a little bit too fast. “Steve? Are you okay?”

 

Steve either doesn’t hear him or chooses to ignore him. He’s scenting Bucky, and then he’s lapping at Bucky’s neck and shoulder. Chills shiver down Bucky’s spine as he moans involuntarily. That just seems to egg Steve on even more, as he begins to nip lightly around the spot where Bucky’s neck and shoulder meet. 

 

By the time Steve’s done, Bucky is sure that he’s likely to have a bruise there for the next couple of days at least. 

 

Steve’s hands begin to roam around Bucky’s body, gently brushing over every sensitive spot that he has. 

 

“Steve?” 

 

Steve ignores him again. He brings his hands down to the button of Bucky’s jeans. “Do you want me?” His hands feel light and playful, but his voice is serious. Bucky nods. That doesn’t seem to satisfy him. “Bucky, do you want me.” There’s a weird tone to his voice, like nothing Bucky has ever heard. 

 

“Yes, Steve. I want you.” It seems like an obvious question. He was just traumatized, and still a few touches from Steve and he’s half-hard. 

 

Regardless, it seems to be enough to please Steve. He immediately wiggles Bucky out of his pants and starts to unbutton his shirt. Bucky begins to help the alpha out with his own clothes, but Steve growls lightly at him. Bucky lies back onto the sofa and allows Steve to continue. 

 

The alpha takes his time getting both of them undressed. He seems more interested in touching Bucky than actually _doing_ anything. It’s early enough in Bucky’s heat that he doesn’t have any problem with that.

 

Steve makes a trail with his tongue up and down Bucky’s thighs and sucks dark bruises from his hips to his collarbone. Every single one of Bucky’s senses are entirely overwhelmed. Steve hasn’t even touched his ass, and he can already feel himself leaking all of the couch. “Steve?” Bucky hears himself whine. 

 

“Do you want me?” Steve asks again, that weird, almost eerie tone still there. 

 

“Yes, Steve. Just you. I just want you.” Bucky is practically panting, but now Steve has a weird gleam in his eye. 

 

And then something in Bucky’s head just _clicks_. He can’t get enough of Steve’s body. He wants to touch him everywhere. He wants to be touched everywhere. It’s as if Bucky’s entire body is covered in flames, and Steve’s skin is the only thing that can put it out. The alpha is growling again, and Bucky has never been so turned on in his life. He just _needs_ this. 

 

Steve makes sure they are facing each other as he starts pushing into Bucky. The combination of the pressure from Steve’s already growing knot and the way Steve’s hands push into Bucky’s hips in _all_ the right places sends Bucky over the edge. 

 

But Steve is relentless. Bucky’s orgasm hasn’t even stopped, but he’s already stroking him back to hardness. Steve picks up the pace, thrusting into Bucky as hard and as fast as he possibly can. It seems like only seconds before Bucky is pushed over edge again. Steve’s knot catches, and he starts to come inside Bucky. 

 

Trapped under Steve, it’s like Bucky’s body finally relaxes. 

 

They both fall asleep within minutes. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Bucky wakes up groggy and not completely sure where he is. He’s on a couch, but not one that recognizes- _oh._

 

“Steve?”

 

He looks around, noticing things he hadn’t the night before. The apartment is small, much more akin to the apartment Bucky grew up in than the one he lives now. The furniture is all well taken care of, but out of date, like Steve had gotten it from friends instead of a thrift store. There are paintings on the walls, not the generic abstract kind that can be bought at Target, but landscapes and portraits that look to be professionally done. 

 

“Bucky,” Steve comes out of what appears to be the bathroom. “I need you to be completely honest with me. What did I do last night?” 

 

“What do you mean? You-” And then Bucky stops. “I remember being stuck in the bathroom. And you came and got me.”

 

Steve nods. “All of that is a bit blurry, but I remember bits and pieces. Did I… Do you remember what happened after?” 

 

“I think… I mean I think we might have had sex on your couch? You don’t remember?” Bucky is used to his memory getting a bit fuzzy during heat, but in his experience alphas don’t tend to have that problem.

 

Steve just shakes his head. “Not at all. Everything after punching that asshole -I think I just punched him?- is a complete blur.” 

 

Bucky laughs. “Wow, it’s like _you’re_ the one in heat this time.” 

 

Steve doesn’t exactly find Bucky’s joke funny, apparently. His face is almost completely devoid of color as he sits down next to Bucky on the sofa. “Did I- I didn’t do anything that-” 

 

Bucky wants to roll his eyes, but stops himself. “Steve, anything we did last night was completely consensual. You’re fine. You probably just don’t remember because of some weird adrenalin thing.”

 

Steve doesn’t look entirely relieved. “How are you doing though? Are you feeling-?”

 

“Steve, I will be down to fuck literally any time you want for the next three to five days. You don’t have to tiptoe around it.” 

 

The alpha is smiling again, a overly cocky grin that puts Bucky’s worries at ease. “Yeah?” 

 

“Yes, asshole. But first,” He stands up, pulling the alpha with him, “something to eat.” 

 

“You know, that is one thing I can definitely do. Some of us actually keep food in the cabinets-” 

 

“Fuck you, Rogers.” 

 

“I thought you wanted food first?” 

 

Steve seems to be even more comfortable in his own apartment than he was at Bucky’s, and it definitely shows. Bucky has a feeling it’s going to be a long three to five days. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Bucky’s heats seem to be completely back to normal. So far, this one has been significantly less intense than the first one with Steve, though not quite so relaxed as the last one. That might just be because he’s literally bombarded with the alpha’s scent no matter where he goes. He can’t even go to the bathroom without getting a hard-on. 

 

If anything, Steve has been acting more clingy than normal. Bucky has decided it probably has something to do with the fact that he had to go all ‘knight in shining armor’ and save him from that asshole at the store. 

 

It’s been three days since he came to Steve’s apartment, and he’s finally starting to feel like himself again. A little horny, sure, but at least he can think about something other than Steve’s knot for a couple of minutes at a time. 

 

“Do you like french toast?” Steve walks into the bedroom with just a towel on, as if Bucky is supposed to look at the man shirtless and think of food. 

 

“I love french toast, but there’s something else that sounds _slightly_ more appetizing at the moment.” 

 

“Awww, Buck. I just got out of the shower. You said you thought it was over.” 

 

“Can’t we just do it for fun?” Bucky doesn’t realize exactly what he’s suggesting until he sees the look on Steve’s face. He panics for just a split second, until Steve smiles. 

 

“I guess french toast can wait.” 

 

Steve drops his towel and climbs onto the bed. Bucky expects for Steve to push him back on the bed, but instead he pulls him up and into his lap. Bucky’s never noticed just how spectacular the alpha’s eyes are, the clearest shade of blue that he’s ever seen. Steve’s eyes are full of lust… and something else. “I’ve wanted to do this for months.” 

 

Steve kisses him. 

 

It takes Bucky by surprise -for all of the sex they’ve had, Bucky can’t remember them ever kissing- and for just a second he doesn’t respond. But that only lasts for a moment. Bucky throws himself wholeheartedly into the kiss. 

 

Steve threads his fingers through Bucky’s hair, pulling lightly until Bucky can’t help but moan into the alpha’s mouth. 

 

The kiss rushes right past sweet and straight into filthy when as Bucky gently bites the alpha’s bottom lip. Steve growls again, and Bucky can practically feel the blood rushing to his dick in response. 

 

It’s different, this time. Instead of the fast, primitive sex that they’ve been having for the last three days, this is slow. Steve takes his time, slowly opening Bucky up. The alpha never stops kissing Bucky, from his lips, to his neck, all the way down to his shoulder. A small -very small- part of Bucky is already thinking of how he’s going to explain all the hickies. 

 

Steve also has decided to start talking during sex, nothing loud, but quiet little murmurs that Bucky could definitely get used to. 

 

“You’re fucking beautiful, Bucky, beautiful.” He seems especially attached to Bucky’s hair, constantly running his fingers through the locks. “God, I love your hair, Buck.” 

 

As Steve puts the condom on his dick -easier now that his knot isn’t getting in the way any more- Bucky takes his turn with Steve, slowly kissing up the alpha’s back and neck, stopping at his ear and whispering, “You gonna fuck me any time soon, old man?” 

 

“I could be younger than you, for all you know, you little brat.” It works though, Steve finishes with the condom and pushes Bucky up against the mattress. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“You still want that french toast?” Bucky is curled into Steve, blatantly cuddling in a way they haven’t before this. 

 

“I don’t know… Do you have to get up.” 

 

Steve pretends to think about it. “I mean, one of us would definitely have to. Unless you can teleport things, which I don’t _think_ you can.” 

 

“No,” Bucky agrees, “I haven’t quite figured that one out yet. I’m still working on the whole levitating thing.” 

 

“I suppose that I wouldn’t _require_ you to get up with me though.”

 

“How very noble of you. Chivalry _isn’t_ dead after all.” Steve begins to untangle himself, and Bucky can’t help but grumble a little bit. “It’s so much warmer with you here though.” 

 

Steve smiles down at Bucky, but continues to leave the bed. “I was very comfortable. More than comfortable. But I can’t just let you starve.” 

 

Bucky can’t help but to roll his eyes at that. “A bit of a melodramatic alpha, aren’t we?” 

 

“Just keep the bed warm for me, will you?”

 

Bucky makes a big show of sighing loudly as Steve leaves the room. “I’ll do what I can.” 

 

He doesn’t know quite what to do, with Steve out of the room. He grabs his phone off of where Steve had placed it on the side table. He hasn’t talked to Nat for a couple of days and should probably let her know that he’s still alive. 

 

**To Nat: Heat just ended. Should be back at work tomorrow!!!**

 

It only takes her a moment to reply. 

 

**From Nat: Sure you don’t want an extra day to recuperate?**

**To Nat: 100% sure. I’m recuperating rn ;)**

**From Nat: Are you and Mystery Alpha having sex? As in like not during heat?**

**To Nat: ;)**

**From Nat: I lied. You have to come in tomorrow. I want details.**

**To Nat: We’ll see ;)**

 

Done bothering Nat, Bucky settles in to wait for Steve to get done. Food is definitely starting to sound like a good idea, so hopefully the alpha will be back soon. 

 

A phone vibrates. 

 

It’s not Bucky’s, so it must be Steve’s. 

 

He shouldn’t look at the phone. 

 

He knows that he shouldn’t look at the phone. Not only is it a _huge_ invasion of privacy, but Steve could walk through the door any second. Not exactly the best way to start off… whatever they just started. 

 

He leans over the phone, deciding that if the screen is still lit up, he’ll take a tiny peek. Their phones are sitting right next to each other. For all Steve knows, Bucky could have thought it was his own phone. 

 

**From Sam: Bro I think I found another omega who could use your help**

 

_Another omega._

 

Bucky doesn’t even know what to think. He had been… He’d thought that… When Steve had… 

 

He pushes everything that he had been thinking out of his mind. This was supposed to be no strings attached sex that would be mutually beneficial to both of them. If Steve wants to help other omegas with the same thing, that’s none of Bucky’s business. 

 

He gets off of the bed and finds his clothes. Steve has them neatly folded on top of a dresser. He doesn’t think about anything, just focusing on what _has_ to be done. Right as he finishes dressing, Steve walks in, still in only his boxers. 

 

“Are you going somewhere?” The smile on the alpha’s face falls as soon as he meets Bucky’s eyes. “Is something wrong?”

 

“Nothing’s wrong. I just need to leave. Something came up.” 

 

“Do you need a ride? I could-” 

 

“I’ve got to go.” 

 

“Wait!” Bucky turns around. Steve is holding out a plate full of the french toast. “At least take something to eat, I-” 

 

“Thanks.” Bucky grabs a slice off of the top of the plate, and hurries out of Steve’s room and through the door, without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the way this chapter ends! Don't be mad at me, but it's necessary for #PlotDevelopment


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I messed up! Luckily I caught it pretty quickly, but you guys get TWO new chapters, because I accidentally posted the one that follows this one first. Thankfully, it only got like 20ish hits in between there. So. Sorry about that. But two chapters now! Yay!

Clint takes up entirely too much of the couch. Bucky’s not really sure why he even invited the other omega, at this point. He is very capable of binge watching Orange is the New Black entirely on his own, thank you. 

 

After the first two episodes, Bucky decides that it’s time for a snack break. He hits pause before the -let’s be real, entirely too long- title sequence even begins to play. 

 

“What the heck?” Clint, who hasn’t said a word to Bucky for the last two hours, looks almost offended. “You said we we’re going to get at least half way through before we stopped?”

 

Bucky rolls his eyes. “And we will. But, unless you want to pass out from hunger later, I’m pretty sure we’re going to need some food.” 

 

“Oh.” Clint seems to have to think about it for a second, “I guess that sounds like a pretty good idea.” 

 

Bucky mumbles ‘idiot’ under his breath, but then goes to the kitchen without saying another word. He really should keep more food in the house, but going shopping is such a hassle. He decides to pop a couple of bags of popcorn and get out the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream that he had been saving for a special occasion. 

 

He puts the popcorn into a large bowl, grabs the ice cream, and heads back into the living room. He sets the bowl of popcorn in between them. “Would you rather have boston creme pie or chocolate fudge brownie?” He offers the two containers out to Clint. 

 

The look on his face would be more appropriate if Bucky had asked him to choose between two newborn babies. “Uhhh- boston- no- Chocolate- Boston creme pie. Definitely boston creme pie.” 

 

Bucky throws the pint at him and hands him a spoon. “Bon apetit.” 

 

“So,” Clint starts, as they both open their pints of ice cream. “Nat mentioned that you texted her last week…” 

 

“I did. And I’ve already told her not to mention it ever again, and I’m sure that she passed on the message. Thanks for checking.” 

 

“Are you sure that you might not be overreacting at all?” 

 

“I’m completely sure that I was not, on any level, overreacting. I hardly reacted at all. He helped me through heat. We had sex once after it ended. I left. That’s it. That’s all that happened.” 

 

“She said you seemed pretty happy while you were texting her.” 

 

“I may have got a bit over excited when it originally happened. I got over it. Quickly. It’s fine.” 

 

Clint nods. “Okay. I can respect that. But does this mean that you would let me set you up with the guy from accounting?”

 

“No.” 

 

“Are you sure, I still think that it would be-”

 

“No, Clint.” Bucky pushes play on the remote. “Now, I’m going to watch Piper make a complete idiot of herself, if you want to talk, you can call Nat.” 

 

Clint decides to shut up, probably just to make sure that Bucky doesn’t get mad enough to actually kick him out. Bucky wouldn’t do that, of course. He knows how much Clint hates being on his own, so with Nat away on business, it would feel cruel to force the omega to go home to an empty bed. 

 

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t spend half the night wishing he had some industry-strength duck tape though. 

 

They’re one episode short of halfway done with the season when Clint finally dozes off. For a second, Bucky considers picking up the other omega, but when he thinks of all the work that entails, he decides that the couch is just as good a place as any other to fall asleep. 

 

He curls up on his side of the couch and falls asleep. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It’s been more than two weeks since his last heat, and Bucky still feels… well, shitty. And what’s worse is that his body seems to have almost picked up on his bad mood. He’s had headaches almost constantly and is tired no matter how much he sleeps. 

 

After googling his symptoms the night before, he decided that if Steve gave him mono -which apparently takes up to a month to appear- he’s going to fucking kill him. He doesn’t have time to be sick for ‘two to four weeks.’ At this point, he’s just waiting for the fever to start. He’s even contemplating how much fun it will be to call Steve and yell at him. 

 

Bucky rolls out of bed, thanking whatever spiritual bodies are out there that today is Saturday and he doesn’t have to go into work. 

 

He starts digging through his cabinets, looking for something to eat. “Uhhhhg.” He really needs to start going shopping more often. He promises himself that he’ll look into one of those food delivery services, but until then he needs something to eat. 

 

Which means leaving the house. _Yay_. 

 

He changes into slightly more appropriate clothes, assuming that most of the population would rather avoid seeing him in his worn out sweatpants and holey t-shirt, and throws his hair into a low ponytail just to get it out of his face. 

 

He knows that it’s only a five minute walk to the bakery, but he still feels like this is Steve’s fault. If he hadn’t gotten sick, he wouldn’t have put off shopping earlier this week, and he would be curled up in his bed right now. 

 

He gets a couple of bagels, knowing that he’s going to have to work out more to stop the carbs from hugging his already fleshy thighs, but it’s the weekend. He is a grown man, if he wants to spend the whole weekend eating only carbs then he will do as he damn well pleases. 

 

He stops at a corner, looking in on an old fashioned barbershop. _God, I love your hair, Buck_. He goes into the building without really thinking about what he’s doing. 

 

An old man comes up to him. “What can I do for you today?”

 

“Haircut?” Bucky realizes that this probably isn’t the most eloquent conversation he’s had recently. 

 

But the man just laughs. “Sure thing, have a seat in my chair.” He motions to an empty chair in the middle of the room. “Just a trim today, or something a little more drastic?”

 

Oh, shit Bucky hadn’t actually thought further than… okay, so he hadn’t actually thought at all. But he can’t just leave without getting a haircut. That would be weird. He should just chop all of his hair off. But he likes when people play with his hair… Not just Steve. Clint and Natasha play with it too. 

 

“A couple inches, I guess. More than a trim, but I still want to be able to pull it out of my face.” 

 

“No problem, sir. Let me just go back and grab a couple things.” 

 

A half an hour later, Bucky walks out of the barber shop. He feels better. Nothing has actually changed. He still feels alone, he still has a headache, and all he has to eat for the rest of the day are bagels. But something about getting his haircut -from the awkward small talk to the way the barber’s hands felt running through his hair- made Bucky feel more like a whole person again. 

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“James,” Natasha yells from her office. “Fury won’t answer my phone calls.” 

 

Bucky rolls his eyes. “It’s not my fault you pissed off the most powerful guy in this building, Nat. We’ve talked about this. I can’t mend your relationships for you.” 

 

Natasha is literally pulling on her own hair as she walks towards Bucky’s desk. “I just really need him to greenlight this piece, or all of my work is going to be for nothing.” 

 

“You could try… you know… apologizing.”

 

“But he _already_ likes you. It would be so much easier if you could just-”

 

“No.” 

 

“James, please. My integrity as a journalist rests on this case being brought to light. Everything that the Pym Technologies is doing-”

 

“Natasha. Just tell the man you’re sorry.” 

 

“I will. I swear, James. Cross my heart and hope to die. It’s just that I need his okay on the article _right now_ and even if I go to him on my knees and kiss his feet, it will be at least a week before he gives in.”

 

“Why the sudden necessity? You’ve been trailing the Pym guys for months now, I don’t see why another week before you break the story would hurt anything.” 

 

“I just got some new intel, but my source could only promise me 48 hours before it’s common knowledge.” Natasha looks at Bucky with her most pleading expression. “This could make or break my career, James. I just need the go ahead from Director Jack-ass.”

 

“You know, this might be part of the reason he doesn’t like you-”

 

“James?”

 

“Fine. I will talk to him. But only because you asked so nicely.” Natasha is smiling too widely for comfort. “And you totally owe me. Like big time owe me. I might ask for a fruit basket.”

 

“Whatever you want, babe. Just get him on the phone.”

Knowing that he has been completely had, he dials the phone. Fury has always had a soft spot for him, god knows why. 

 

Fury’s voice is gruff as usual. “You know I grounded Nat’s articles for the next month, Bucky. She’s too reckless. I’m all for invasive journalism, but there comes a time when _correct_ is more important than just getting the news out there.” 

 

“She’s got a credible source this time.” She better fucking have one anyway. “And what would you boss do if she knew that you missed an opportunity to be the first on a story and gave it up because of one _tiny_ mistake.” 

 

“I don’t exactly think a congressman barging personally into my office counts as tiny.” 

 

“C’mon Director, you know that Nat has the skills to get the dirt when she wants.” 

 

“Yes, I do. That’s exactly what I’m worried about.” Bucky can hear the man breaking. “Tell her to send me it. And I want the exact quotes and names of her sources, even if we can’t legally put them in the article.” 

 

“Of course, sir.” 

 

“And don’t call me sir, I can tell you’re just trying to kiss ass.” 

 

“Yes, s-… Director Fury.” 

 

And without another word, he hangs up. 

 

Nat, who had been watching the entire exchange from her desk, smiles as he hangs up the phone. “I knew you could do it.” 

 

“You fucking _owe_ me, Nat. And for god’s sake apologize to your fucking boss. It’s not _my_ fault that you messed up.” 

 

“Everything I printed was totally and completely true, and I stand by that.” 

 

“Don’t care.” 

 

“I love you, James.” 

 

“Yeah, well you’re getting the coffee tomorrow. So, I’ll probably love you then.” 

 

Natasha laughs. “Speaking of paying you back…” She raises an eyebrow. “Clint and I were thinking that maybe you would want to go-”

 

“No dates, Nat! How many times do I have to go through this with you guys. When I’m ready to start dating, you’ll be the first to know.” 

 

“Whatever you say, James.” She agrees, though her tone is rather pacifying.

 

“I don’t want a boyfriend.” 

 

“I know, I know.” She trails off. “Your new haircut is so nice though. It’s a shame someone doesn’t get to appreciate it more.” 

 

Bucky, completely and utterly done with his boss’s shit, slams his head onto the desk. “Just bring the freaking coffee tomorrow, ok Nat?” 

 

Nat runs her fingers through his hair. “Of course, James. Anything for you.” 

 

 _God_ , he tells himself, _I need to find a new job._


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, you might notice that this is not officially going to have three chapters, but don't worry! I'm actually going to be breaking it in to two parts, and so the story is roughly half over. (The reason for breaking it in two will become evident as soon as I post the first chapter of pt 2!)

Bucky wakes up to the phone ringing. There’s a crick in his neck from sleeping on the couch, and he’s pretty sure that there is a piece of popcorn stuck in his hair. The light coming in through the window the soft and almost purple of dawn. Bucky feels like he could -justifiably- commit homicide. Who the fuck would be calling him this early. 

**Incoming Call: Clint**

“This better be fucking important.” 

“Bucky,” Bucky has never heard Clint’s voice sound so quiet before. “I’m going to be a dad.”

“Yeah, you said that the adoption place okay’ed all of your paperwork, or course-”

“I mean. Like. Now.”

“Right now?” 

“They just called us. The dad has been MIA for years, and the mom has had drug problems. They’ve been in and out of foster homes, but their mom OD’ed last night.” 

“They?” 

Clint just ignores him. “Bucky, some woman I don’t know just died. And I… I feel happy? But also sad? I don’t know what to do.” 

“Jesus Clint, how many kids?” 

“Just two. One of them is a baby, just four months old. The mom was in treatment while pregnant. She stayed clean the whole time. She was trying so hard, but I guess she had pretty severe postpartum depression and-” Clint starts crying on the other end of the line. 

“Clint is Natasha with you?” 

“She went to the gym this this morning.”

“So does she know?” 

“I called her first. She’s on her way back. I just- Bucky these kids have been through so much. What if I’m a bad father?”

“Clint, the fact that you’re worried about being a good dad is already a good sign. One’s a baby, how old is the other one?” 

“Three.” 

“What are their names?” 

“Kate is the three year old. The baby’s name is Teddy.” 

“When do you get to meet them?” 

“Today. We’re supposed to meet them at a temporary foster parent’s house.” 

“Clint, this is awesome. They’re both going to love you.” 

“We have to meet them a couple times before we can take them home. And then we have to ease into it. That way they’re both comfortable with us. Kate might remember her mom. She probably loves her mom. I can’t compete with that, Bucky. She’s-”

“Clint.” Bucky cuts him off. “Her mother is gone, there’s nothing you can do about that now. Both of these kids need someone to love them, and I have complete faith that you and Nat will do exactly that.” 

Clint’s sobs start anew. “I just want to meet them so bad, Bucky. But they’re not going to know me from Adam. I-”

“Just take it slow, Clint. As someone who has actually met you, I can say that, even if they don’t like you at first, you’ll grow on them. Trust me.” 

“You’re an ass.” Bucky can tell that Clint is smiling through the tears. 

“And you’re emotional. Just be excited that you get to meet your babies today, okay?” 

“Yeah, okay.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s been a week since Clint and Natasha were finally able to bring their kids home permanently. Bucky has yet to meet them. At first, their adoption agented wanted to make sure that the kids bonded with Clint and Natasha as quickly as possible, and for the last week the new parents have been attempting to establish some sort of routine. 

Clint has been sending almost constant pictures and videos of the two of them, so much that Bucky is already starting to feel attached, and they haven’t even seen him yet. Teddy seems to be all of the traditional happy baby. His shock of blonde hair, pale eyes, and chubby cheeks could be right out of a diaper commercial. Kate, aside from the eyes, is almost his opposite. Her straight, dark hair and constant frown make her seem older than she is. But when Nat reads her a bedtime story -yes, Clint filmed the whole thing- her eyes light up with a happiness only small children seem to be able to manage. 

The kids aren’t the only one who seem to be happy. Clint had called Bucky crying again just two days ago. Kate had apparently woken up in the middle of the night calling for her daddy. “Bucky, she’s never known her dad. She meant me.” And he had broken down sobbing for about ten minutes. Natasha--who has only been going into work for half-days while the kids are getting settled--seems to be in a better mood as well. Just yesterday she had told Bucky that she’s never been so happy about losing sleep before. 

And today, he finally gets to meet the kids in person. 

Never before has Bucky felt nervous to knock on his friends’ door. When Nat opens it, she’s holding Teddy on her hip. The baby clings to her side, firmly grasping onto her shirt. He feels safe with his mom, though it’s still weird for Bucky to think of his friends in the terms of parents. 

“Hi, Teddy?” Bucky tries to lower himself to infants eye level. “I’m your Uncle Bucky.” After a few seconds of blank staring, Teddy breaks out into the most adorable smile Bucky has ever seen. “We’re going to be buddies, right?” Bucky experimentally reaches out and lightly wiggles his fingers around the infant’s chest. He giggles, and Bucky is officially in love. 

“Bucky!” Clint finally notices Bucky as he walks through the door. “We’ve been _so_ excited for you to get here!” The new father is sitting on the couch next to a serious-looking three-year-old girl

“We have also been very big on showing emotion recently,” Natasha whispers. “Because Daddy,” she looks at Clint “has been very big into reading all of the parenting books. So expect a lot of hugs.” 

Bucky can’t help but laugh. “I think I can deal with hugs.” 

“Kate,” Clint’s voice is softer than normal. It’s not something Bucky had been expecting. “This is Uncle Bucky, can you say hi?” 

Bucky feels very judged as she looks up at him. Her expression is serious, like an art critic looking at a piece that she has heard good things about, but it isn’t _quite_ living up to her expectations. Bucky, wanting to hedge his bets, grabs the bag he had brought off of his shoulder and pulls out the presents he had brought. 

He doesn’t remember much of Rebecca being little, but he’s pretty sure that bribery worked 10,000% of the time. 

He grabs the red-wrapped bag and holds it out to the little girl. She looks at him, still skeptical. “I brought you something.” He sets the box in front of her. She slowly begins to peel the wrapping away. 

“Bucky,” Natasha hisses. “What did you give my child.” 

“I missed her first three birthdays! And Clint said that her favorite movie was-” 

“Robin!” She starts squealing. “Robin Hood bow! Daddy can we open it?”

“What should we say to Bucky?”

“Thank you, Bucky, thank you, thank you, thank you!” 

Clint and Kate both seem thrilled as they start working on opening the bow out of the box. Natasha, on the other hand, seems to be concentrating on not killing Bucky with her laser vision. “What made you think that was a good idea?”

“Aww, c’mon Nat. The arrows don’t even have tips. They're little foam ball things. And it will distract her.” 

“She might aim for her brother.” 

“Make a game out of it. Her job is to protect her brother.” 

“I didn’t realize you were going to be _that_ uncle.” 

“The fun one? Is that what you mean? Because that’s the vibe I’m getting from her.” 

“Whatever. Just remember. I’m going to pay you back one day.” 

They both stand silent for a moment, watching Kate chase Clint around with the bow and arrows. Kate seems to have given up on actually hitting Clint with the arrows, because she’s using on as almost a sword. Clint has dodged most of her swipes, but when she finally lands one, he makes an exaggerated show of ‘dying.’ 

“Do you want to hold him?” Natasha disrupts his thoughts by holding out the baby to him. His uncertainty must show on his face, because Natasha gives him a small smile. “He doesn’t bite. And even if he did, he doesn’t have enough teeth for it to hurt yet.” 

“I- I’m-” Before he can think of a good reason for him to not hold the baby, Natasha is placing him in his arms. It’s different than holding a newborn, Teddy is old enough to hold his head up, and is too busy looking around to really just lie down in Bucky’s arms. It’s more like the baby monkeys at the zoo. Teddy is clutching to Bucky, and Bucky’s arms are wrapped around the him, making sure that he doesn’t fall. 

Teddy’s eyes are so blue, his gaze so innocent, that Bucky’s not quite sure what to do. “Hi, Teddy.” He tries to smile at the baby again. “Can you say Bucky? Bu-kee?”

Clint, how has somehow been revived from his untimely death, interrupts. “Whatever, Bucky. I’ve already got Nat trying to get him to say ‘mama,’ there is no way he’s going to say your name before mine.” 

“Clint, eventually he’s going to realize that I’m way cooler than you. You’re only withholding the inevitable.” 

Clint grabs the baby from Bucky without any of the awkwardness that Bucky had felt from holding him. “You don’t think that, do you, buddy?” Teddy smiles at Clint as soon as he starts talking. “Say, you’re _my_ Teddy Bear, aren’t ya?” Clint starts blowing raspberries into the baby’s tummy, which sets him to giggling. 

Natasha is looking at Clint with bigger heart eyes than Bucky’s ever seen. While the two parents are busy mooning over their baby and partner, Bucky tries his luck with the three-year-old. 

He crouches down to her level, where she’s still trying to figure out the bow. “Need help? I’ve heard that shooting a bow takes some practice.” 

The distrust from earlier is gone, if she does still look a little wary. “Show me how to shoot.” Bucky can’t help but admire the way she demands. He has a feeling Natasha may have met her match in this little girl. 

Bucky takes the bow and slowly shows her how to notch an arrow in the plastic bow. She watches him with a quiet intensity that Bucky feels is odd for someone who’s only three. After just a couple of minutes, she can mimic his motions perfectly. After ten minutes, she’s shooting the bow confidently, and even hitting targets occasionally. 

She hits Clint in the leg, and for a second Bucky is worried that maybe she is a _little_ bit young for a toy bow, but Clint just laughs and scoops his daughter into his arms, tickling as she playfully tries to get away. 

Bucky only stays for about an hour, but by the end, Kate is comfortable sitting in his lap and Teddy smiles when Bucky makes faces at him. He counts the day for a win. 

It’s only after Bucky leaves that he realizes how big of a toll the day put on him. He feels tired, not really physically, but mentally. He’s happy for his friends, but there’s something else there. He knows what it is, but he doesn’t want to think about it. 

When he’s back in his own apartment again, he sees that room, the one he was going to open all those months ago, but never did. He decides that this time he’s definitely going to open it…

Tomorrow.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lol, I'm pretty sure most of you will /not/ be surprised about what this chapter deals with. Happy (early) Thanksgiving to Americans! Happy almost-the-end-of-November to everyone else!

“Feeling a little hungry, Bucky?” Clint looks down at the plate that Bucky has piled high with all of the finger foods he could fit. 

“Hey, if I have to spend time at these stupid office parties, I’m going to enjoy myself.” 

Clint nods. “I can respect that. Personally, I’m just excited to be able to spend a night with adults. You don’t realize how important actual conversations are until you can’t have them.” 

“Clint,” Bucky rolls his eyes. “You just spent the last 10 minutes telling the story of how you managed to get your principal’s car onto the roof of the high school.” 

“Yeah, and Kate would not have appreciated the story nearly as much.” 

“I don’t know, she seems pretty bright. Something tells me should would have laughed at the same parts as those guys from the first floor.” 

Natasha, who had been wooing a very willing audience with her most recent story of subterfuge to get the latest scoop, makes her way back toward them, carrying two extra glasses of wine, which she hands out to both of them. “What about the guys from the first floor?”

“Nothing important. Your three-year-old just has the same level of intelligence as them.”

“That was very rude, James. Kate is very smart for her age.” 

“Speaking of your children, who did you guys get to watch them tonight?” 

“Trish Walker, she’s a high school senior that lives on the floor above us.” 

Clint nods. “God bless money-hungry high school kids.” 

“You guys trust her?” 

Natasha nods as Clint shrugs. “As much as I’d trust any high schooler. The worst thing Trish will do is invite her sister over, and while the girl is terrifying--and that’s coming from someone who is married to Nat--Jessica wouldn’t actually do anything to someone who doesn’t deserve it.” 

The night is relatively uneventful. The rumor mill has gotten bored of Bucky and Natasha’s supposed love affair since it’s become common knowledge that she’s adopted kids with Clint. Bucky guesses that people assume he would have issues breaking up a family--which he would--but it makes work parties a lot less fun. 

It’s not even 11 before most of the people at the party are grabbing their stuff. Clint has a care-free look in his eyes. “We still have the babysitter for a couple more hours. Want to go grab a couple of drinks.” 

Bucky almost agrees, but he’s already had one glass of one tonight, and he really doesn’t feel the best. “I can’t tonight, Clint, sorry. I already feel a little queasy.” 

“Bucky,” Clint whines. “We never get to go out anymore.” 

“We’ll leave Natasha home with the kids some time and party at my house. Promise.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The daylight as he wakes throws him off for a second. He’s never been one for napping, let alone in the middle of the day. He’d left the party early last night, but he could still barely keep his eyes open while he had been making himself lunch. 

_Lunch…_

He’s starving. He goes to the fridge and starts grabbing everything that could possibly go on a sandwich. Lettuce, ham, turkey, two different kinds of cheese, mayonnaise, pickles. He eyes the peanut butter and jelly for a second before grabbing them as well. _Two sandwiches. Definitely two sandwiches._

He meticulously piles the ingredients on the two sandwiches, taking the time to make sure that the peanut butter to jelly ratio is as close to perfect as humanly possible. 

Bucky sets the sandwiches on a plate and brings them over to the couch. He may be starving, but he’s not _completely_ uncivilized. 

And if gets a bowl of ice cream later… Nobody needs to know. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky is seriously considering murdering Natasha. 

“Can you turn the damn music off, please?” 

He can almost hear the eye roll in her voice as she turns the music down--though not completely off. “Since you asked so nicely.” 

_Click._ Her office still isn’t completely quiet though. _Click._

Bucky tries to focus on the e-mail that he’s reading--Click--and ignore the sound coming from the other room. 

_To whom it may concern:_

_My client would like it to be known that he will no longer-- **click** \--be giving interviews on the topic of his past-- **click** \--drug problem. He has successfully-- **click** \--undergone treatment at a top-of-the-line treatment center in an undisclosed location. I would like to-- **click**_

“Dammit, Natasha. Could you not be quiet for all of two seconds? Jesus.” 

Natasha looks simply surprised by his tone for a second, and then angry. “Well, maybe if you would let yourself get laid occasionally, you’d be a little less uptight all the time.” She slams the door separating their two desks. 

_Shit._

Before he can even realize what’s happening, tears are streaming down his face. Natasha is his best friend. Her mate the next closest friend. What is he going to do if- Or if he doesn’t have this job anymore. He might not be homeless, but who else is going to hire an omega with next to no marketable skills?

“James?” 

He hadn’t even heard the door open, too busy wallowing in his own self pity. He sniffs, rubbing his eyes and trying to look at least slightly respectable. “What?”

“James, I didn’t mean that. It was totally inappropriate, and not even true. I have no right to- to say things like that to anyone, let alone my friends. If Clint was here, I never would have said something like that. I’m just- I didn’t get any sleep last night, and that’s not a good excuse, nothing would be a good excuse for saying that. But, I am sorry.” 

“It’s fine. I’m just..” He sniffs again. “I’m just overly emotional. I should have just asked you to stop, or to close the door. It’s probably just a hormone thing.” 

“You know I didn’t mean it, right? I don’t care if you never want to sleep with anyone again, or if you want to sleep with as many people as possible.”

“I’m fine, Nat. I just overreacted.” 

“Do you want the rest of the day off? I can tell people you think you caught a stomach bug or something?” 

“I don’t need-” 

“I don’t mean that you’re not strong enough, James. If you don’t feel well, there’s nothing wrong with taking some time off. You’d only be leaving an hour early anyway, so it’s not a huge deal either way.”

“I- Ok.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bucky wakes up on Saturday to a knock at the door. 

It’s Clint, looking rather dejected. 

“Did Nat kick you out of the house?” 

Clint shrugs and walks through the door. “She said that I--and I quote--have ‘been spending too much time with a three-year-old’ and ‘need to go spend some time acting like an actual adult.’”

Bucky snorts. “And the first ‘actual adult’ you thought of was me?” 

“Close enough.” 

“Whatever, Clint. You kind of woke me up, but I guess we can make some breakfast or something. You like sausage, right?”

“Hell yeah I do.”

Bucky laughs as he digs around in the freezer and turns the stove on. “For real though, did you guys get into a fight?” 

Clint shrugs. “Kind of.” 

Bucky gasps overdramatically. “My faith in true love is broken. I thought soulmates were supposed to agree on everything?” 

“Fuck off, Bucky.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Nat thinks we need to enroll Kate into a preschool program.”

“Okay, and you don’t want to?”

Clint rolls his eyes. “Have you been around children before? They’re selfish and mean. Kate’s only three. I don’t want her to have to deal with that.” 

“You’ve got to at least _kind of_ see where Nat is coming from though, right? I mean, I’m not saying that you need to put her in one _right now_ , but it can’t hurt to start looking around at them, right? Seeing where the best place for her will be.” 

“I guess.” 

“Unless you just wanted to bitch about Nat for awhile, in which case, only an idiot would think about putting your precious little girl at the mercy of other three-year-olds.” 

“That makes me feel a little bit better, actually.” 

Bucky dumps the sausages into the pan. Moments later, the smell of the cooking meat is washing over him, and he only has seconds to enjoy it before he’s running towards the bathroom. 

He breaths slowly, not sure if he’s going to actually vomit or not. He keeps his head directly over the toilet. 

A minute later, Clint has followed him into the bathroom. “Bucky? Are you okay?” 

“I’m find.” He says, in between breaths. “Just a little queasy.” 

“Is this normal?” 

“I felt a little shitty the past couple of days. It’s fine, probably just a weird virus.” Bucky pauses for a second. “Shit, Clint, you should get out of here. I don’t want to accidentally get one of your kids sick.” 

“Bucky, do you think-”

“Would you mind turning the stove off, before you leave? I’m not sure how long I’ll be in here.”

“Bucky-”

“I’ll make myself some toast or something, don’t worry about me.” 

“Bucky-” 

“Tell Natasha that I said hi-”

“Bucky!” 

“What?” 

“How long ago was your last heat?”

Bucky has to wait to answer as another bout of nausea rolls over him. “What are you talking about?” 

“Your last heat. When was it?”

“I don’t know, a month ago, give or take a few days. Why?” 

“Don’t freak out.” Clint certainly looks like he is. 

“What could I possibly have to freak out about?” 

“How safe were you guys that week.” 

“We used a condom, every time. Why?” 

“You’re a hundred percent sure?”

“I think so, why?” 

Clint rolls his eyes. “Bucky, it’s been a month since you’ve had sex--I’m assuming--and you’re currently hunched over a toilet. Does this seem like symptoms you’ve heard of anywhere before?”

“I don’t know what you’re- Shit.” _Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit._ “Could you leave for a bit?” 

“Bucky, I don’t want you to do anything stupid.” 

“Clint, I know you’re trying to be a good friend right now, but I would very much appreciate it if you would leave me alone for at least a couple hours, okay? I promise. I’ll let you know, whenever I find out what’s going on with me. Okay?” 

“Yeah, Bucky, sure.” 

“And Clint?” Bucky stops him as soon as he turns to leave. 

“Yeah?” 

“Don’t tell Nat yet, okay? I don’t want assassins sent after anybody without due cause.” 

Clint laughs, though Bucky’s almost completely serious. “Of course, Bucky. Whatever you want.” 

Not even five minutes after Clint leaves, Bucky slips on shoes and leaves the apartment right away. He walks quickly, hardly even realizing where he’s going. He just knows that he has to find out _right now._ He’s been nauseous before. Hormones fuck up people’s bodies all the time. It could be something completely normal. 

He just has to find out for sure first. 

At the drugstore closest to his apartment, it only takes him a minute to find where the pregnancy tests are located. If feels like there’s an entire wall of them, all of them advertising the exact same thing. He grabs six of them, two each of three different brands. It’s better to be safe than sorry. 

Someone -an asshole, probably- put some prenatal vitamins right next to the condoms and pregnancy tests. He grabs a bottle. If the tests come back negative, it’ll be a relief to throw them away. If not… well. It’s better to make one trip to the store than two. 

He ignores the very judgemental look the beta cashier gives him. She doesn’t understand what it’s like, so fuck her. “Did you find everything you needed today, sir?”

 _Fuck off._ “Yes, thank you.” 

The old lady behind him in line sniffs up her nose. She probably is looking for a bond mark or wedding ring. Fuck her too. There’s a guy behind her that looks kind of sympathetic. Bucky’s not sure if that makes it better or worse though. 

“Hey, man.” The guy stops him. “It’ll be okay, no matter what happens. You’ll be okay.” 

Bucky’s not quite sure how to respond. “Thanks… I think.” 

He takes as long as possible on his way home. Every time someone looks at him, he feels like they’re just staring at his stomach. Does he look pregnant? Fuck, does he smell pregnant? Maybe Natasha could already tell at work on Friday, and just thought he wasn’t ready to tell people. 

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

_Fuck._

When he gets home, he knows that he should take the tests. He tells himself that he should just wait until he has to pee on his own. He turns on the tv. He starts the first season of Parks and Rec over again. He calms him down, and for a few minutes he allows himself to get lost in the fictional world of Pawnee, Indiana. 

And then he has to pee.

He opens the first pregnancy test, his hands shaking. _Shit. Shit. Shit._ He reads the instructions. Pee on the stick-thing, wait up to five minutes. 

After he pees, he leaves the stick thing on the counter and sets a time on his phone, refusing to looks at the piece of plastic that could determine his future. He paces for a couple of minutes, trying to keep himself from looking at the clock on his phone. _Shit. Shit. Shit._ He tries to push all the thoughts from his head. There are so many _what ifs_ … tumbling around in his mind right now that he can’t keep track of them all. 

He starts drinking water, a lot of water. He knows that no matter what the result of the test are, he’ll want to double check. And triple check. 

By the time the timer goes off, he already has to pee again, though whether it’s the water or his nerves that caused it is anybody’s guess. He picks up another test, a different brand, and opens it. As he tries to pee on the stick, he avoids looking at the finished test. He resets the timer on his phone. He wishes he could just take all of the tests and look at them at the same time, but the box had said that the results would be invalid after ten minutes. 

He can feel his heart hammering in his chest. He knows that he needs to just look. 

He sees two pale blue lines. 

Something inside of him clenches up. He can’t do this. How the hell is he going to do this. He doesn’t have a choice, it’s too late to do anything about it now, even if he wanted to, which he wouldn’t have. 

He refills his glass of water and turns the show back on. He methodically takes every single one of the pregnancy tests. Every single time the alarm on his phone goes off, he sees two pale blue lines. 

**To Clint: Can you come over?**

**From Clint: Of course. I’ll be there in 20ish minutes.**

Bucky sits down on his couch. His head is spinning. There are so many things that could happen. He does well enough on his own, but does he have enough money to raise a kid? Nobody respects a single omega parent. How’s he going to explain to the kid that Bucky fucked up and that’s why they only have one parent. 

What if Steve finds out? 

Fuck, what if Steve takes the kid. All it takes is a paternity test, and any judge in the country would hand the alpha parent the kid without a second thought. If an omega is irresponsible enough to get pregnant, why should they be able to raise a child. 

And right as Bucky realizes that, Clint walks through the door. 

They don’t even have to say anything to each other. Clint takes one look at Bucky’s face, and he knows. Though with all six pregnancy tests sitting on the counter, it’s not a hard realization to come to. Bucky feels the tears start to well up in the corner of his eyes just as Clint takes a seat next to him on the couch. 

“We’re gonna figure this out, okay? Whatever we need to do, whoever we need to call, whoever’s ass Nat needs to kick, we’ll get it done.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ THIS FIRST! 
> 
> This fic will now say that it is complete, but IT IS NOT COMPLETE. I finished planning a couple weeks ago, and decided that the story would work better with two distinct plot arc-things. The next part will ANSWER ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS. And probably be roughly the same length as this one (Maybe slightly shorter) It's going to take me AT LEAST another weeks or two before I start posting the next part, but I hope to have at least a chapter or two posted before Christmas. It all kind of depends on how real life goes the next couple of weeks though. (I have some 2 new fics in the process of being started though, so a first chapter of one/both those might be out soon-ish)
> 
> tl;dr this fic is 'finished' but not /over/ if that makes any sense.

“Damn, Bucky. You would think that at least one of them would be negative.” Clint is looking distastefully at the row of used pregnancy tests sitting on the counter. 

Bucky’s sobs are finally starting to subside. “Apparently, I am super pregnant.” 

“So, I know you just found out… but what do you want to do?”

“What can I do? I don’t exactly have a lot of options.” 

“Well, are you going to keep it?” 

“Like adoption?”

“Sure,” Clint looks away, not meeting Bucky’s eyes. “if that’s what you want me to mean.” 

Bucky can’t quite hold back his intake of breath as he realizes what Clint _actually_ means. “Clint, that’s illegal.” 

“I know, and I’m not encouraging you. But _if_ that’s the route you _really_ feel like want to take, I think I have a few people I could call.”

Bucky considers it, for a second. No one would have to know anything even happened, Natasha wouldn’t have to know, Becca wouldn’t have to know, Steve wouldn’t have to know. It would be so much _easier_ … yet so much harder. 

“I… I don’t think I could. I don’t want to, but even if I did… I don’t think I could.”

“I respect that, and honestly, I’m a little relieved. Only super sketchy doctors would have helped out anyway, so it would have been dangerous and expensive.” Clint sighs. “Do you want to keep the baby then? There’s lots of people who would be willing to adopt a baby, especially the cute, white baby that you’re probably gonna have.” 

“I… maybe? I don’t… I haven’t even had time to…” 

“No pressure, I just want you to remember that you have your options open.” 

Bucky can’t help but laugh. “You seem kind of… good at this?”

Clint sighs again. “I grew up in the foster system, I’ve had to help figure out more than my fair share of unplanned pregnancies.” 

“I’m sorry for bringing you into this, I just don’t-”

“Bucky, it’s fine. You’re one of my best friends. I’m more than happy to help.” 

“Is Natasha okay with you staying for a little longer? I understand if you need to go, but I just don’t want to-” 

“Bucky, I’ll stay here until you kick me out, if you need me to. Nat wanted some time alone with the kids anyway. Going to work every day has been kind of rough on her. She thinks I’ve been ‘hogging our kids’ or something.” 

“So,” Clint starts, just as Bucky begins to mess with the remote, considering turning something random on. “How does it feel?”

The innocently curious expression on Clint’s face makes Bucky feel like a total dick. For the last two years, all this guy has thought about is the fact that one day he _might_ get a kid. And he has two now, and Bucky knows that Clint loves Kate and Teddy more than life itself. But he’s probably spent the last two years just wishing that he could get pregnant, knowing that he never will. 

And Clint has been a decent enough person to just worry about Bucky’s feelings for the last couple hours, with total disregard for what he’s probably feeling himself. 

“I thought I had mono for awhile, so I guess those symptoms are probably actually because of the pregnancy thing. I’ve been tired, had a headache. I’ve been craving a lot of carbs, I don’t know if that’s normal or not.”

“I wouldn’t know, but the internet probably does.” 

Bucky doesn’t even know what to say, but they cuddle on the couch for hours.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Bucky’s alone in the hospital room. Everything has that antiseptic smell, like they wash the room down with bleach before allowing anyone to enter. It’s quiet. The bed is uncomfortable. Bucky’s stomach feels weird. Empty._

_A nurse walks into the room._

_“Mr. Barnes, how are you feeling today?”_

_Bucky ignores the nurse. Something is missing. He knows it. “Where is he?”_

_“Mr. Barnes?”_

_He can feel the panic growing within him. Something is wrong. He knows something is wrong. He just doesn’t know what. “Where is he? I need to see him.”_

_He goes to stand up, but the nurse stops him. “Mr. Barnes, please calm down. You have stitches that-”_

_“Where is he!?” He pushes the nurse out of the way. He has to pull an IV out of his arm. He’s sure that it’s bleeding, but at this point he doesn’t care. He just needs to find him._

_He rushes out of the room, ignoring the nurse’s yells as he leaves the room. He heads down the hall, suddenly very aware of who exactly he’s looking for. The wispy dark hair, the big dark blue eyes, small hands curled around his fingers._

_He runs down the hall. When he gets to the end, there are huge windows showing into a room full of infants. All of them indistinct, covered too much by blankets and hats to be seen at all. He enters the room, sure that the alarm has sounded but not able to hear it. He looks for the baby, with the dark hair and brown eyes, sure that he should be here somewhere._

_He hears giggling. When he looks, he sees a couple. They’re holding a baby. He pushes his way through the sea of unimportant carts, he needs to make sure it’s not **the** baby, his baby. _

_It’s his. He can tell._

_It doesn’t look anything like his baby though. Thick blonde hair and blue eyes. It’s smile though, he would recognize that smile anywhere. It’s his baby. He tries to push the couple out of the way, but they hold steady, not letting him anywhere near the baby, his baby._

_They look at him as if they’re offended at the thought of him being in the room. “Excuse me, but this is our baby. You’ll have to get your own.”_

_“But that’s mine!” He yells, as nurses -more of them now- begin to pull him back. “Mine, they’ve got my baby! They’ve stolen my-”_

Bucky wakes up in a cold sweat. He looks down at his stomach, slightly swollen from what it was just a few weeks ago, either from the baby or all the junk food he’s been eating. He knows it’s medically too early, but he’s pretty sure that he feels a quiver. He places his hands over his stomach protectively. “It’s okay.” He tries. “I’ve got you. You’re going to be safe. I promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
“Good morning, James.”

“Hey, Nat. How’s it-” He finds Natasha standing with her arms crossed. 

“Clint won’t tell me what’s going on. He says it’s personal and that you have to tell me.” 

“Clint is a good friend.”

“Yes, but apparently an awful spouse. Is it trouble with Whatshisface, that alpha you were-”

He decides to rip off the bandaid. “I’m pregnant, Nat.” 

“Oh.” Nat’s face is completely devoid of all emotions, like she’s intentionally masking her actual feelings. “And… are you okay?”

“I cried a lot this weekend. And probably ate my weight in ice cream. But I’m okay.”

“Have you told him?”

Bucky snorts. “No, and I don’t plan to.”

“James, it’s an alpha’s responsibility to _take care of_ an omega during their heat, if the omega doesn’t want to get pregnant, it’s the alpha’s job to make sure that-”

“It’s fine, Nat. Drop it. My life is going to have to change, but I can handle it.”

“You shouldn’t have to-”

“Natasha, I don’t want Steve to know about the baby, okay! It’s _mine_ , and I won’t let an alpha change that.”

Realization dawns across her face. “I’m sorry, James. I’m- I was- I’m an alpha, and I wasn’t thinking past financial burdens. Of course, if you don’t want to tell him, it’s completely up to you.” 

“Nat?”

“Yes?”

“I could really use a hug right now.” 

An intern walks by, and for days the rumor mill runs anew about the muffled voices that had preceded the hug. Nobody guesses correctly what happened, but the most-accepted theory is that Nat had failed to tell Clint about their affair, and that Bucky had delivered an ultimatum. 

Bucky thinks nostalgically of the days when he had been bored because the rumors had quieted down. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oddly enough, the omega clinic doesn’t feel quite as unwelcoming as he had before he was pregnant. There are so many pregnant omegas here. About half of the people, really. Most of the other half are tugging along toddlers and babies. He hadn’t noticed before, but there’s a camaraderie in this building. People comparing notes on pregnancy or toddlers or seven year olds. 

There are no judgemental looks. Occasionally, as he waits, someone will see his hand placed protectively over his stomach and give him an encouraging smile. 

A lady with a two year old sits next to him. “How far along are you?” 

“Just four weeks, I think. This is my first check up, but I’m pretty sure.” 

“Any other kids?” Bucky pauses, but then just shakes his head. “Well, don’t let people give you a hard time, okay? When I was pregnant with this one-” She points at the toddler on her lap. “I wasn’t with her father, and a lot of older people... Well, they can be mean. But it all worked out in the end. Not with her father, he was a dick. But I met a man later, Erik, who’s all the father she could ask for. And he’s nice to look at to boot.” 

Bucky looks at the woman. She looks like she’s got her shit figured out, but… just a couple of years ago she had no idea what was going on in her life either. It makes Bucky feel better. “Thank you. Seriously, you have no idea how much it means.” 

His appointment is with Dr. Munroe again. She seems surprised to see him. “Hello, Bucky. I didn’t expect to see you again so-” She looks down at the chart she’s carrying. “Oh. Am I correct in assuming you weren’t exactly planning for this?”

Bucky has to physically restrain himself from rolling his eyes. “Obviously.” 

“Does Steve-”

“No, he doesn’t know. I would prefer to keep it that way.”

“Of course. I am a professional. Even if you hadn’t mentioned it, I wouldn’t have told _anybody_.” They spend an overwhelming amount of time discussing Bucky’s medical history, detailing anything that could have even a remote possibility of endangering either him or the baby either way. Bucky does his best to think clinically throughout the discussion. 

“I think we should schedule appoints monthly right now. Depending on how everything looks, eventually they will change to every two weeks, or possibly once a week.” Bucky nods. “There is one more thing I legally have ask you about. Any expectant, single parent is required to be informed of the fact that the act of putting your unborn child up for adoption is one of the most selfless things you can do as a parent. Of course, many single parents raise wonderful, happy, healthy children, but it _is_ more difficult than traditional parenting.” 

“I- I’ve been thinking about it. But I think I’m going to keep it.”

“Well, then I am sure you will be a wonderful father. If you have any questions, anything at all, you already have my number. Feel free to use it any time.” Bucky goes to stand up, assuming that the appointment is over, but Dr. Munroe stops him. “I am done as a professional, now I would like to tell you something as an individual. Feel free to leave if I’m making you uncomfortable at all.” 

“Okay…” Bucky has no idea where the doctor is going with this.

“You are an adult, and you can most definitely make your own decisions, so don’t take this the wrong way. This is only a suggestion. I think you should tell Steve about the baby. This is not me thinking that you can’t handle it on your own. If your baby’s alpha parent was someone that I didn’t know, I wouldn’t be saying anything more to you, but I _do_ know Steve, I know him well, actually. And I stand by my promise, I won’t tell him. Not a single word. But Steve is a good man, and he would be more than willing to help you in any way possible. He would probably be _delighted_ to help you, actually.” 

“I’m scared that- I just worry-”

“Steve Rogers is not the kind of man to take a child away from their parent.” Bucky looks away, almost scared by the conviction in her voice. “Okay, Bucky. That’s all I have to say. Remember, I will respect whatever decisions you come to regarding your child.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Nat? How did you know that you were going to do a decent job at the whole parenting thing?”

“James, I don’t think anybody knows. They just kind of hope.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**From Steve Rogers;): So... it's been a little more than a month... and Idk if I did something wrong... but I wanted to check to make sure that you were ok**

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank EVERYONE who has commented, left kudos, or even just clicked regularly on this story. Especially those who have left comments have been such a HUGE motivation for me. Thank you guys. 
> 
> Besides the second part of this story (which I hope to start before Christmas) I'm hoping to start one story about the Stucky as shapeshifting wolves (similar to a/b/o without the a/b/o? I guess? They're going to be wolfy and hot. Trust me. Also some angst. It's gonna be fun) and a normal civilian au where Steve is a tattoo artist and Bucky owns a coffee shop. (Meet-hate anyone?) 
> 
> So... if you're interested in my writing, keep an eye out for those!


	17. PART II IS UP NOW!!!

This is just a message to everybody who might have Just Left of Normal bookmarked, Part II IS UP! I'm not sure when Chapter 2 will be up, but I'm hoping that I'll be able to get it up in a timely fashion.


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